fecking countries who want independence. Ungrateful bunch. And all those who support them.
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Gaming The Europa Universalis 4 Experiment III
- Thread starter Phil Jones Face
- Start date
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In the latest episode of the United Hour Podcast, Nik @Rood and Imran @Annihilate Now! start with the good news by celebrating Manchester United Women's emphatic FA Cup win over Spurs at Wembley and the future of manager Marc Skinner.
Then it's the bad news and the ever worsening form of our Men with losses to Arsenal and Palace.
Finally the main debate - ETH Out now or keep him until the end of the season - if not longer. Are you Team Nik or Team Imran?
I assumed so because they're not on the map, but I have never played the game. Maybe they are?Why they are out of the question?
All that fine, sweet gold....
Ha ha. This.
You don't treat us right innit.
Seems to have started off better than last time.
I'm sure by this point last time I was in about 4 wars
I'm sure by this point last time I was in about 4 wars
@MadDogg's Danish distraction cost him dearly in the Anglo-French war. With England invaded and London sieged down, MadDogg was forced to tap out and @maniak inflicted harsh terms upon him. Roxburghshire, the sole gain he made from the earlier war with Scotland was returned to the Scots. All of England's continental possessions, bar the Pale of Calais, were seized by the French. Northumberland was released as a sovereign nation and has its independence guaranteed by France, making it difficult for England to recapture.
France has big dick energy on the continent.
In Burgundy (as per the image above), PSV was successful vs the minor unalligned French states. Although maniak's manic expansion must surely worry him..
In the east, Organic Potatoes sneaky campaign vs Novgorod has paid dividends, exploiting his Russian neighbour's fragility and Andycoleno9's distraction in the KirkDuyt war of independence.
P-Nut has continued giving Shakesy the middle finger by seizing much of Wallachia from right under his nose. Poland 2-0 Hungary.
Stobzilla continues his hard on for gold. There's also rich gold veins in Hungary for anybody interested..
RedSky's peasants haven't reacted well to nimic's independence.
And finally, the inevitable happened. @KirkDuyt gained his independence from @Andycoleno9, largely thanks to the Anglo-Scottish intervention. Denmark ceded all the gains it had gained from Novgorod to Sweden, some of its own territories, it gave the Orkney's to Scotland and confirmed Swedish independence. England gained nothing. It could have been worse, in all honesty. At one point Denmark had 0 troops and its navy is reduced to 3 light ships, a galley and 7 transports.
In other news:
France has big dick energy on the continent.
In Burgundy (as per the image above), PSV was successful vs the minor unalligned French states. Although maniak's manic expansion must surely worry him..
In the east, Organic Potatoes sneaky campaign vs Novgorod has paid dividends, exploiting his Russian neighbour's fragility and Andycoleno9's distraction in the KirkDuyt war of independence.
P-Nut has continued giving Shakesy the middle finger by seizing much of Wallachia from right under his nose. Poland 2-0 Hungary.
Stobzilla continues his hard on for gold. There's also rich gold veins in Hungary for anybody interested..
RedSky's peasants haven't reacted well to nimic's independence.
And finally, the inevitable happened. @KirkDuyt gained his independence from @Andycoleno9, largely thanks to the Anglo-Scottish intervention. Denmark ceded all the gains it had gained from Novgorod to Sweden, some of its own territories, it gave the Orkney's to Scotland and confirmed Swedish independence. England gained nothing. It could have been worse, in all honesty. At one point Denmark had 0 troops and its navy is reduced to 3 light ships, a galley and 7 transports.
In other news:
- Withnail declared war on Byzantium.
- Hoping to seize Byzantine spoils, AnotherLondonManc declared war on them also days later, but the Venetians were too slow and the Ottomans fully annexed Byzantium.
- The Ottomans have moved their capital to Constantinople and declared a Golden Age.
- AnotherLondonManc declared war on Herzegovina, which controls the wealthy and much sought after Ragusa trade node.
- Organic Potatoes forced Odoyev to end its alliance with Tver. Then Organic Potatoes allied Odoyev. Then he declared war on Tver. And annexed Tver. And Ryazan.
- MadDogg began the English conquest of Ireland, attacking Offaly
- KirkDuyt is supporting Genevan independence from Savoy. My man thinks he's Che Guevara.
- WI_Red continued expanding hard Arabia, declaring war on Najd, Hormuz and Shammar.
A Golden Age 
Nice! @PSV next!
Mwuhaahhaua bow before me puny Denmark with your tiny lego territories.
Wait you can't spell territories without tories... Am I the baddies?
Wait you can't spell territories without tories... Am I the baddies?
Well, feck. I guess I may as well take it out on the Irish.
@Phil Jones Face, who are my allies?!
I hope French will destroy you. You had your problems but nooooooooo, you just needed to intervene in my war, didn't you? You ruined me.
Yes. We are out of harms way.
Maniak, you lucky bastard. How much you payed to PJF to get France?
Need that gif where kid is crying and rolling on the floor; "i want to play with France"
Need that gif where kid is crying and rolling on the floor; "i want to play with France"
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@P-Nut, you're a feckin peanut
The bottle is your best friend.
It's quite remarkable how you've managed to alienate yourself from everybody. Your only ally is one-province Mantua, who has an army of 6k and is cornered by SilentWitness and AnotherLondonManc.
P-Nut, Stobzilla, nimic and AnotherLondonManc hate you. Dr. Dwayne barely tolerates you. I think he's supporting dissidents in your land. Or you in his. It's not quite clear.
Your latest big brained move was to guarantee Wallachian independence. After P-Nut took 3/4 of their land.
Yep, remarkably with 0% liberty desire too. Despite how battered and bruised your armies were in the last war.
They will leave soon too i guess. Bastards. No forming Scandinavia for me. Something which happens in 4 of 5 saves.
Dark ages indeed. Once more unto the bottle, dear enemies, once more
Landlocked German/Polish countries suck the big one.
oh man that's gold.I shall find my salvation in @Dr. Dwayne
Apparantly Castille was having a civil war without me realising. That might explain why The Cat wasn't helping MadDogg. And all the rebels in his country. Whatever. It means him and harms are bumchums now.
Once Castille had finished with its civil war, it declared war on Granada, hoping to complete the Reconquista. Granada brought in its ally Morocco. Combined they had 31 ships to Castille's 26 and 28k men to Castille's 30k. Granada was not able to resist @The Cat on the continent, but equally The Cat was not able to cross the straits of Gibraltar with his inferior navy. A stalemate.
That is.. until he decided to call in a favour. @harms and his fleet.
With the passage secure, the allies quickly mopped up the Moroccans. The Cat seized all of Granada and two north African provinces. harms didn't take anything.
In the east, AnotherLondonManc declared war on Herzegovina and seized the wealthy Ragusan trade node.
WI_Red continued his Arabian adventures, declaring war on Dawasir, Najran, Mikhlaf and annexed Syria diplomatically. He was speedrunning this shit.
And finally, Withnail continued mopping up Greece by declaring war on and annexing Epirus, who were allied to Genoa. He beat them easily. He then turned his attention to the Balkans, forcing Bosnia to break its alliance with Serbia through threats and declared war on Serbia days later. Christendom would not defend them and they were fully annexed. The Ottoman battle drum bonged on.
Panic set in across Europe. Who would stop the relentless Turk march? The Pope quickly allied Albania, who still had its independence guaranteed by @AnotherLondonManc. Then @Withnail declared war on Albania, bringing the Pope and Venice into the war. The Pope called Christendom to crusade against the Ottomans, but it fell on deaf ears. The allies begun the war with almost 2x as many troops, but had far inferior generals and lacked co-ordination.
In the first action of the war, the allied navy demolished the Turkish galleys in the Gulf of Taranto, while the Venetian army stationed in Corfu fled. Future naval action ended similarily.
The Venetian strategy on land was bold, taking the fight to the Turks. AnotherLondonManc could beat the armies piecemeal. But when they combined, he was repeatedly routed.
Eventually, the Turks annexed the states one by one. Venice ceded some islands in the Aegean, but held onto Ragusa.
Narrator: The Ottomans were beaten up in both of my trial runs.
Once Castille had finished with its civil war, it declared war on Granada, hoping to complete the Reconquista. Granada brought in its ally Morocco. Combined they had 31 ships to Castille's 26 and 28k men to Castille's 30k. Granada was not able to resist @The Cat on the continent, but equally The Cat was not able to cross the straits of Gibraltar with his inferior navy. A stalemate.
That is.. until he decided to call in a favour. @harms and his fleet.
With the passage secure, the allies quickly mopped up the Moroccans. The Cat seized all of Granada and two north African provinces. harms didn't take anything.
In the east, AnotherLondonManc declared war on Herzegovina and seized the wealthy Ragusan trade node.
WI_Red continued his Arabian adventures, declaring war on Dawasir, Najran, Mikhlaf and annexed Syria diplomatically. He was speedrunning this shit.
And finally, Withnail continued mopping up Greece by declaring war on and annexing Epirus, who were allied to Genoa. He beat them easily. He then turned his attention to the Balkans, forcing Bosnia to break its alliance with Serbia through threats and declared war on Serbia days later. Christendom would not defend them and they were fully annexed. The Ottoman battle drum bonged on.
Panic set in across Europe. Who would stop the relentless Turk march? The Pope quickly allied Albania, who still had its independence guaranteed by @AnotherLondonManc. Then @Withnail declared war on Albania, bringing the Pope and Venice into the war. The Pope called Christendom to crusade against the Ottomans, but it fell on deaf ears. The allies begun the war with almost 2x as many troops, but had far inferior generals and lacked co-ordination.
In the first action of the war, the allied navy demolished the Turkish galleys in the Gulf of Taranto, while the Venetian army stationed in Corfu fled. Future naval action ended similarily.
The Venetian strategy on land was bold, taking the fight to the Turks. AnotherLondonManc could beat the armies piecemeal. But when they combined, he was repeatedly routed.
Eventually, the Turks annexed the states one by one. Venice ceded some islands in the Aegean, but held onto Ragusa.
Narrator: The Ottomans were beaten up in both of my trial runs.
- MadDogg annexed Desmond, Tyrone, Sligo and Ormond in Ireland
- Dr. Dwayne vassalised Baden diplomatically
- maniak annexed Foix and Avergne diplomatically
- AnotherLondonManc annexed Naxos diplomatically
- Organic Potatoes annexed Yaroslavl and Rostov diplomatically
- Andycoleno9 annexed Holstein diplomatically
- Stobzilla annexed Glogow and Opole diplomatically
- P-Nut annexed Mazovia diplomatically
- nimic allied AnotherLondonManc
- The Pope excommunicated AnotherLondonManc
- SilentWitness changed government type from a kingdom to a republic
- Dr. Dwayne passed the first reform as Emperor of the HRE, the Reichsreform
I hope he at least pays me well! All that help for nothing
I didn't roll on the floor, my tears were enough.
Ahhh, cat from Shrek gif? Yeah, that is better trick.
Shakesy has had little to brag about this game. He almost vassalised Moldavia, before P-Nut swooped in. He almost protected Wallachia, until P-Nut took 3/4 of its provinces. His only claim to fame was allying the one province Mantua and being disliked by nearly all his neighbours. This all changed when he decided he was going to take a stand against the Polish/Ottoman advances into the Balkans. He wouldn't stand by idly any longer. Today was the day. Stood tall and proud, thrusting his spear into the ground , Shakesy loudly proclaimed for all to hear:
"I, the Great Shakesy of Hungary, do hereby proclaim the independence of the Wallachia, from now until all eternity. Any man who seeks to dishonour Wallachian independence must first go through me".
*crickets*
The Ottomans declared war on Herzegovinia and Wallachia shortly after and @Shakesy decided on second thoughts he wouldn't defend them after all, packed up his belongings and went back to Budapest for another binge.
The Turks are now are almost at the gates of the HRE.
Back in the Baltics, @Organic Potatoes declared war on the Livonian Order, who were allied with the Teutonic Order too. After a few sketchy opening battles in which the Muscovites lost, Organic Potatoes eventually reorganised and pushed the allies back.
With the Teutons and Livonians battered by the Muscovites, @P-Nut decided he would blindside them and declared war a few years later. @Andycoleno9 followed suit, wanting revenge on the Teutons for their help in the KirkDuyt war of independence. It was a proper bukakke party and the Teutons were partioned between the 2 regional powerhouses and Andycoleno9.
Back in Iberia, The Cat and RedSky decided to make love, rather than war. Personally I'd have preferred a Red Wedding, but beggars can't be choosers.
In other news:
"I, the Great Shakesy of Hungary, do hereby proclaim the independence of the Wallachia, from now until all eternity. Any man who seeks to dishonour Wallachian independence must first go through me".
*crickets*
The Ottomans declared war on Herzegovinia and Wallachia shortly after and @Shakesy decided on second thoughts he wouldn't defend them after all, packed up his belongings and went back to Budapest for another binge.
The Turks are now are almost at the gates of the HRE.
Back in the Baltics, @Organic Potatoes declared war on the Livonian Order, who were allied with the Teutonic Order too. After a few sketchy opening battles in which the Muscovites lost, Organic Potatoes eventually reorganised and pushed the allies back.
With the Teutons and Livonians battered by the Muscovites, @P-Nut decided he would blindside them and declared war a few years later. @Andycoleno9 followed suit, wanting revenge on the Teutons for their help in the KirkDuyt war of independence. It was a proper bukakke party and the Teutons were partioned between the 2 regional powerhouses and Andycoleno9.
Back in Iberia, The Cat and RedSky decided to make love, rather than war. Personally I'd have preferred a Red Wedding, but beggars can't be choosers.
In other news:
- MadDogg annexed Munster, Thormond, Kildare and Ulster
- maniak diplomatically annexed Orleans, Alencon and Bourbonnais and allied Northumberland
- Organic Potatoes diplomatically annexed Perm and has declared war on Novgorod
- Shakesy allied maniak and diplomatically annexed Croatia
- The Pope excommunicated AnotherLondonManc for a second time. Then a third. The Pope really hates Venice.
- WI_Red diplomatically annexed Fadl and declared war on Rassids
- Dr. Dwayne diplomatically annexed Baden
True love.
Europe, if you value your catholicism, ally me and let's stop hethen @Withnail together! Or abandon me and gag on the foul odour of the Ottoman.
Or, divinely scented Ottoman, ally me, take my women and use my brave soldiers to invade all of Europe! My shoemakers are your shoemakers
Or, divinely scented Ottoman, ally me, take my women and use my brave soldiers to invade all of Europe! My shoemakers are your shoemakers
@Phil Jones Face . You run this on normal or hard? Or ironman mode?
If it is on normal, i can see map looking soon mostly blue and green.
If it is on normal, i can see map looking soon mostly blue and green.
Quiet start from the doge empire. Have I not killed @Dr. Dwayne yet?
I'll also settle for full control of @nimic's territory for full control of the Adriatic Sea
I'll also settle for full control of @nimic's territory for full control of the Adriatic Sea
You're on your own @Shakesy
Nope! The mighty @maniak has seen the value of my shoemakers. Now feck off to Egypt
We are too busy consolidating our Imperial status to worry about merchants with delusions of grandeur.