Don't worry. I'm sure I'll lose it again in a few years.And finally, in grave news that will shock us all, MadDogg has declared war on and vassalised the narrator who was chilling out peacefully in Tonga.
Narrator: "This is all wrong. I shouldn't be up here. I should be back in a hammock on the other side of the ocean. Yet you all come to us narrators for hope. How dare you!
"You have stolen my coconuts and my sandy beach with your empty words. And yet I'm one of the lucky one. maniak is suffering. P-Nut is dying. Entire colonial empires are collapsing. We are in the beginning of a mass extinction, and all you can talk about is revolution and fairy tales of New Spain winning a war. How dare you!
Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?
Gaming The Europa Universalis 4 Experiment III
- Thread starter Phil Jones Face
- Start date
@Dr. Dwayne is being mean to me
@Withnail is nose diving into disasters with frequent rebellions
Mere days after the above event, @Dr. Dwayne declared war on the decaying Ottoman empire. The frequent losses had reduced the Ottoman standing army to 561k while the Austrians boasted twice that number. The Austrians lost 174k to battle and 393k to attrition. The Ottomans lost 372k to battle and 20k to attrition. Withnail's former great empire had now effectively been split into 3 parts.
The Mughals declared war on harms. Because reasons. After 6 years of low intensity conflict, the Mughals offered peace and reparations. Finally harms had won a Indian war. The Portuguese lost 75k men and 49 ships. The Mughals lost 148k men and 101 ships.
Former-harms-Peru declared war on @harms Argentina. It was reduced further.
After @MadDogg's failure to spread the revolution to Russia, Dr. Dwayne rolled up his sleeves and decided he would have a crack at it. Russia had its independence guaranteed by the Mughals, who joined on their side. The Austrian juggernaut launched invasions everywhere - Russian Scandinavia, Iran, the Urals. Their march was relentless. I genuinely didn't notice MadDogg was a combatant on the Austrian side until the peace deal popped up and he had gained land. Piggybacking his way to success.
Dr. Dwayne lost 196k troops to battle and 1.7m to attrition. MadDogg lost 14k to battle and 217k to attrition. The Mughals lost 332k to battle and 402k to attrition. @Organic Potatoes lost 236k to battle and 41k to attrition.
The United States declared war on @The Cat - @RedSky Brazil. It looks like the American's were going to chase the Spanish colonisers to ends of the earth. Which we've now learnt is spherical. The Spanish beat back the American invasion and peaced them out for ducats.
You know the ritual by now. Dr. Dwayne look around, picked a country at random who he hadn't an outstanding truce with and declared war on them. It was @maniak time again.@P-Nut answered the call to arms, because death before dishonour.
France was cut down further. It looks like The Fuhr.. Consul is trying to make a Vichy France out of maniak.
And then he did it again 10 years later. It was now a race against time for maniak to survive until the end of the game.
We must also finally say goodbye to the Commonwealth. During the first Franco-Austrian war, Dr. Dwayne annexed P-Nut. He only had to cling on for another 30 years to survive the game. So close, but so far!
And MadDogg annexed the narrator. Bastard!
There's 15 years left. I pray they're un-eventful. Please.
Mere days after the above event, @Dr. Dwayne declared war on the decaying Ottoman empire. The frequent losses had reduced the Ottoman standing army to 561k while the Austrians boasted twice that number. The Austrians lost 174k to battle and 393k to attrition. The Ottomans lost 372k to battle and 20k to attrition. Withnail's former great empire had now effectively been split into 3 parts.
The Mughals declared war on harms. Because reasons. After 6 years of low intensity conflict, the Mughals offered peace and reparations. Finally harms had won a Indian war. The Portuguese lost 75k men and 49 ships. The Mughals lost 148k men and 101 ships.
Former-harms-Peru declared war on @harms Argentina. It was reduced further.
After @MadDogg's failure to spread the revolution to Russia, Dr. Dwayne rolled up his sleeves and decided he would have a crack at it. Russia had its independence guaranteed by the Mughals, who joined on their side. The Austrian juggernaut launched invasions everywhere - Russian Scandinavia, Iran, the Urals. Their march was relentless. I genuinely didn't notice MadDogg was a combatant on the Austrian side until the peace deal popped up and he had gained land. Piggybacking his way to success.
Dr. Dwayne lost 196k troops to battle and 1.7m to attrition. MadDogg lost 14k to battle and 217k to attrition. The Mughals lost 332k to battle and 402k to attrition. @Organic Potatoes lost 236k to battle and 41k to attrition.
The United States declared war on @The Cat - @RedSky Brazil. It looks like the American's were going to chase the Spanish colonisers to ends of the earth. Which we've now learnt is spherical. The Spanish beat back the American invasion and peaced them out for ducats.
You know the ritual by now. Dr. Dwayne look around, picked a country at random who he hadn't an outstanding truce with and declared war on them. It was @maniak time again.@P-Nut answered the call to arms, because death before dishonour.
France was cut down further. It looks like The Fuhr.. Consul is trying to make a Vichy France out of maniak.
And then he did it again 10 years later. It was now a race against time for maniak to survive until the end of the game.
We must also finally say goodbye to the Commonwealth. During the first Franco-Austrian war, Dr. Dwayne annexed P-Nut. He only had to cling on for another 30 years to survive the game. So close, but so far!
And MadDogg annexed the narrator. Bastard!
- MadDogg is supporting the independence of colonial Australia from The Cat-RedSky. Given his track record, I'm sure the Spanish are delighted with his endorsement.
- harms former colonies of Colombia and Peru are at each others throats
- The United States paid off Andycoleno9's debt of 1200. Friends
- harms attacked Friesland, who had been kicked out of Europe and was exiled in Africa/Indonesia and took one province from them
There's 15 years left. I pray they're un-eventful. Please.
Resistance is futile.
I feel like I've just been part of the Scouse boom-bust cycle. Peaked at making the commonwealth, and it all went downhill from there. Next game we take over the world!
We're just a troll nation at this point. 
I‘m about to have to have to start thinking of smuggling Anastasia to Manaus, which is actually sort of a rad alternate history take.
1811 - 10 YEARS TO GO
The United States declared on The Cat-RedSky Brazil again. The over reaching American's had finally met their match in the colonial Brazilians. They had swept 4 Spanish colonies before them, but were unable to break the Brazillians.
1812 - 9 YEARS TO GO
@Dr. Dwayne is presented with a dilemma: he hates the Ottomans and he also hates the French. Realistically, he would only have enough time for one major campaign. Which did he value more? Killing off the @maniak once and for all or making @Withnail feel the same fear that Christendom felt for the first 150 years?
He decided to stick it to the Turks.
1817 - 4 YEARS TO GO
The war is going as you'd expect it. The Ottomans are carpet sieged. Withnail sits on -93% warscore. The Janissaries have finally had enough and launch a coup against the Padishah.
2 months later, Withnail surrenders. Both empires have lost over 1 million men in the war.
1818 - 3 YEARS LEFT
Withnail concedes defeat to the janissaries. They assume control of the dying empire. The Padishah pleads with them.
1819 - 2 YEARS LEFT
The eunuchs and harem seize control of the state. Withnail is now merely a puppet, reduced to a prisoner in his ownTopkapı Palace.
Dr. Dwayne begins to send his troops westwards...
1820 - 1 YEAR LEFT
January 1820. Dr. Dwayne declares war on @maniak. It's a race against time, can he siege down all the French provinces and force him to submit in 1 year?
No.
1821 - GAME OVER
So near, but so far.
maniak survives by the skin of his teeth.
FINAL STATS UPDATE TO FOLLOW
The United States declared on The Cat-RedSky Brazil again. The over reaching American's had finally met their match in the colonial Brazilians. They had swept 4 Spanish colonies before them, but were unable to break the Brazillians.
1812 - 9 YEARS TO GO
@Dr. Dwayne is presented with a dilemma: he hates the Ottomans and he also hates the French. Realistically, he would only have enough time for one major campaign. Which did he value more? Killing off the @maniak once and for all or making @Withnail feel the same fear that Christendom felt for the first 150 years?
He decided to stick it to the Turks.
1817 - 4 YEARS TO GO
The war is going as you'd expect it. The Ottomans are carpet sieged. Withnail sits on -93% warscore. The Janissaries have finally had enough and launch a coup against the Padishah.
2 months later, Withnail surrenders. Both empires have lost over 1 million men in the war.
1818 - 3 YEARS LEFT
Withnail concedes defeat to the janissaries. They assume control of the dying empire. The Padishah pleads with them.
1819 - 2 YEARS LEFT
The eunuchs and harem seize control of the state. Withnail is now merely a puppet, reduced to a prisoner in his ownTopkapı Palace.
Dr. Dwayne begins to send his troops westwards...
1820 - 1 YEAR LEFT
January 1820. Dr. Dwayne declares war on @maniak. It's a race against time, can he siege down all the French provinces and force him to submit in 1 year?
No.
1821 - GAME OVER
So near, but so far.
maniak survives by the skin of his teeth.
FINAL STATS UPDATE TO FOLLOW
1821 - FINAL UPDATE
1821 - FINAL UPDATE
FINAL RANKINGS:
Reminder: Skanderbeg broken, vassal stats not included. Colonial nations (namely: harms and The Cat-RedSky) will be a little stronger than the lists reflect
Development (value of provinces):
Land army size:
Navy size:
Total income:
Mana generated (i.e, how lucky you've been with your monarch spawn stats or events and how much you've spent improving your country):
Ideas chosen (provide important buffs, generated by mana):
56: everybody
Army casualties (in combat + attrition)
Navy casualties:
Dead players:
And here's some other stats I hadn't been compiling before:
Most developed player provinces in world:
Each players most developed province:
Averaged ruler stats from 1444-1821(randomly generated, 18= maximum):
Average development per province:
Total gold spent:
Total gifted (generously gifted money to other countries):
Total loan repayments:
Gold paid in peace deals (from wars lost):
Effective discipline (this tracks multiple army stats like morale, discipline, tech level, etc. Basically, it shows who has the best units, man for man.):
Largest battles (first name = winner):
Largest battle per player (first name = winner, bold = participants largest battle)
Religious map :
Tech map (the greener you are, the more tech you've embraced and the bigger advantages you have over your neighbours):
The state of the HRE. It has passed 2 reforms:
List of Holy Roman Emperors:
The dynastic map:
FINAL RANKINGS:
Reminder: Skanderbeg broken, vassal stats not included. Colonial nations (namely: harms and The Cat-RedSky) will be a little stronger than the lists reflect
Development (value of provinces):
- Dr. Dwayne: 7 579 (unchanged)
- Withnail: 2 988 (unchanged)
- MadDogg: 1 719 (+2)
- Organic Potatoes: 1 498 (-1)
- harms: 1 341 (-1)
- The Cat-RedSky: 1 324 (+1)
- maniak: 563 (-1)
- Andycoleno9: 170 (+1)
- nimic: 29 (new entry)
Land army size:
- Dr. Dwayne: 1,492 ,000 (unchanged)
- Withnail: 622 ,000 (unchanged)
- MadDogg: 484,000 (unchanged)
- The Cat-RedSky: 359,000 (unchanged)
- Organic Potatoes: 203 ,000 (+1)
- harms: 93 ,000 (+2)
- maniak: 71,000 (-2)
- Andycoleno9: 38,000 (+1)
- nimic: 13,000 (new entry)
Navy size:
- harms: 316 (unchanged)
- MadDogg: 284 (+2)
- Dr. Dwayne: 265 (+3)
- Withnail: 196 (-2)
- Organic Potatoes: 140 (-2)
- The Cat-RedSky: 107 (+2)
- Andycoleno9: 55 (unchanged)
- maniak: 20 (-3)
- nimic: 6 (new entry)
Total income:
- Dr. Dwayne: 2 422 (unchanged)
- MadDogg: 678 (+1)
- Withnail: 596 (-1)
- Organic Potoates: 343 (+3)
- The Cat-RedSky: 329 (unchanged)
- harms: 292 (+3)
- Andycoleno9: 57 (+2)
- maniak: 27 (-4)
- nimic: 26 (new entry)
Mana generated (i.e, how lucky you've been with your monarch spawn stats or events and how much you've spent improving your country):
- Withnail: 149072 (unchanged)
- Dr. Dwayne: 140219 (unchanged)
- MadDogg: 131139 (+1)
- harms: 126505 (-1)
- The Cat-RedSky: 123696 (+1)
- maniak: 118556 (-1)
- Organic Potatoes: 115228 (+1)
- Andycoleno9: 100119 (+1)
- nimic: N/A (vassal)
Ideas chosen (provide important buffs, generated by mana):
56: everybody
Army casualties (in combat + attrition)
- Dr. Dwayne: 14,677,072 (+1)
- Withnail: 12,077,678 (-1)
- harms: 3,609,092 (+1)
- The Cat-RedSky: 3,491,263 (-1)
- Organic Potatoes: 3,428,277 (unchanged)
- maniak: 2,817,872 (+1)
- MadDogg: 2,702,231 (+1)
- Andycoleno9: 967,441 (+1)
- nimic: 85,934 (new entry)
Navy casualties:
- Withnail: 802 (+2)
- harms: 691 (-1)
- Dr. Dwayne: 691 (+5)
- maniak: 408 (+1)
- The Cat-RedSky: 396 (-3)
- Organic Potatoes: 348 (-2)
- MadDogg: 332 (unchanged)
- Andycoleno9: 201 (-2)
- nimic: 25 (new entry)
Dead players:
- KirkDuyt (partioned by Andycoleno9 and Organic Potatoes)
SilentWitness (gobbled up by AnotherLondonManc, who is basically now Milan having lost the majority of his Venetian provinces, except he's torquoise)- Shakesy (beaten down by maniak, partioned by Dr. Dwayne, P-Nut and Withnail. Hated by everybody except for Mantua, who outlived him with their one province)
- Stobzilla (beaten down by Dr. Dwayne, PU'd and integrated by Dr. Dwayne)
nimic (tickled by Withnail, beaten down by The Cat-RedSky, vassalised and integrated by maniak)- PSV (PU'd by Dr. Dwayne, released by Dr. Dwayne, PU'd by Dr. Dwayne, integrated by Dr. Dwayne)
- SIlentWitness (ressurected by the Pope, preached the Gospel, crucified by AnotherLondonManc)
- WI_Red (pummelled by Withnail over and over, vassalised and offered candy by Withnail, stubbornly refused to assist Withnail, integrated by Withnail
- AnotherLondonManc (bullied by Withnail, maniak, Dr. Dwayne, Ferrara and the Battle Pope, given the coup de grace by Dr. Dwayne)
- P-Nut (the most loyal ally, partioned over 300 years by Dr. Dwayne, Organic Potatoes and Withnail)
And here's some other stats I hadn't been compiling before:
Most developed player provinces in world:
- Kamerich: 69 (Dr. Dwayne)
- Ayshire: 64 (MadDogg)
- Wien: 64 (Dr. Dwayne)
- Auvergne: 57 (Dr. Dwayne)
- Constantinople: 55 (Withnail)
- London: 53 (MadDogg)
- Zweibrucken: 52 (Dr. Dwayne)
- Paris: 51 (Dr. Dwayne)
- Derby: 50 (MadDogg)
- Krakau: 50 (Dr. Dwayne)
Each players most developed province:
- Kamerich: 69 (Dr. Dwayne)
- Ayshire: 64 (MadDogg)
- Constantinople: 55 (Withnail)
- Madrid: 50 (The Cat-RedSky)
- Lisbon: 44 (harms)
- Maine: 42 (maniak)
- Tsetserleg: 32 (Organic Potatoes)
- Abruzzi: 29 (nimic)
- Stockholm: 23 (Andycoleno9)
Averaged ruler stats from 1444-1821(randomly generated, 18= maximum):
- Withnail: 12.28
- Dr. Dwayne: 11.25
- Organic Potatoes: 10.62
- MadDogg: 10.15
- harms: 10.03
- maniak: 10.01
- nimic: 9.86
- The Cat- RedSky: 9.52
- Andycoleno9: 8.61
Average development per province:
- nimic: 29.0
- Dr. Dwayne: 24.59
- maniak: 20.35
- MadDogg: 18.67
- The Cat-RedSky: 14.23
- Andycoleno9: 13.75
- Withnail: 9.50
- Organic Potatoes: 6.65
- harms: 4.45
Total gold spent:
- Dr. Dwayne: 2,485,489
- Withnail: 1,984,285
- MadDogg: 1,258,952
- harms: 1,113,261
- The Cat-RedSky: 959,440
- Organic Potatoes: 805,465
- maniak: 680,579
- Andycoleno9: 294,595
- nimic: 0
Total gifted (generously gifted money to other countries):
- Dr. Dwayne: 32,948
- Witnail: 31,736
- harms: 16,587
- MadDogg: 9,941
- maniak: 6,634
- Organic Potatoes: 5 ,103
- The Cat-RedSky: 3,275
- Andycoleno9: 2,520
- nimic: 0
Total loan repayments:
- Withnail: 96,843
- Organic Potatoes: 84,019
- maniak: 51,043
- Dr. Dwayne: 49,470
- The Cat-RedSky: 47,039
- MadDogg: 42,509
- harms: 20,339
- Andycoleno9: 19,972
- nimic: 0
Gold paid in peace deals (from wars lost):
- maniak: 18,465
- Andycoleno9: 6,614
- harms: 4,093
- MadDogg: 2,573
- Organic Potatoes: 2,477
- The Cat-RedSky: 138
- Dr. Dwayne: 0
- Withnail: 0 (that must be broken?!)
- nimic: 0
Effective discipline (this tracks multiple army stats like morale, discipline, tech level, etc. Basically, it shows who has the best units, man for man.):
- Dr. Dwayne: 171
- MadDogg: 148
- maniak: 148
- The Cat-RedSky: 143
- harms: 135
- Organic Potatoes: 123.5*
- nimic: 121
- Andycoleno9: 120
- Withnail: 110*
Largest battles (first name = winner):
- 531,929 - Mughals ( 355000) vs MadDogg ( 76929) in 1798
- 498,,925 - Withnail ( 407,017 ) vs Dr. Dwayne (91,908) in 1749
- 453,297 - Withnail (373,717) vs Dr. Dwayne (79,580) in 1748
- 412,676 - Withnail (336,676) vs P-Nut (76,000) in 1725
- 378,000 - Dr. Dwayne (364,000) vs Ulm (14,000) in 1793
- 356,556 - Withnail (313,000) vs Dr. Dwayne (43,556) in 1749
- 351,940 - Withnail (313,940) vs Dr. Dwayne (38,000) in 1749
- 345,000 - Dr. Dwayne (173,000) vs maniak (172,000) in 1761
- 318216 - Dr. Dwayne (89,259) vs P-Nut (228,957) in 1755
- 292,304 - Dr. Dwayne (205,964) vs P-Nut (86,340) in 1729
Largest battle per player (first name = winner, bold = participants largest battle)
- 531,929 - Mughals ( 355000) vs MadDogg ( 76929) in 1798
- 498,,925 - Withnail ( 407,017 ) vs Dr. Dwayne (91,908) in 1749
- 345,000 - Dr. Dwayne (173,000) vs maniak (172,000) in 1761
- 231000 - The Cat-RedSky (145,000) vs maniak 86,000) in 1723
- 201000 - Korchin (87,000) vs Organic Potatoes (114,000) in 1811
- 191,589 - The Cat-RedSky (140,589) vs harms (51,000) in 1761
- 106,876 - Hamburg (73,876) vs Andycoleno9 (33,000) in 1680
- 71,112 - The Cat ( 57,171) vs nimic (13,941) in 1496
Religious map :
Tech map (the greener you are, the more tech you've embraced and the bigger advantages you have over your neighbours):
The state of the HRE. It has passed 2 reforms:
List of Holy Roman Emperors:
The dynastic map:
And that's it done. Hope you guys enjoyed the experiment!
Thanks so much! Your updates were top notch!
It may say Dr. Dwayne on the map, but he's just the figurehead while his absorbed junior partner has been pulling the strings behind the scenes.
After all it's easier to commit atrocities in someone else's name.
After all it's easier to commit atrocities in someone else's name.
Thanks, love these!
Lessons learned: maybe thinking you’re entitled to ruling most of Eurasia is problematic.
You're ultra efficient. I was thinking of doing another one a bit after you finished yours, but I thought I had more time.
So much promise and we end up like this
This was an amazing read, mate, thanks
This was an amazing read, mate, thanks
Thank you @Phil Jones Face for running this and thanks to everyone else for letting me beat you senseless.
You're welcome guys. Glad you enjoyed it!
I've had a look at how the second experiment finished and it 's crazily different to this one!
#2
#3
I've had a look at how the second experiment finished and it 's crazily different to this one!
#2
#3
Take your time. You'll end up regretting starting it within the first 50 years.
Cheers this was good fun to follow.
I'm currently in the "maybe I can make a Victoria 3 mod for it?" stage of my delusion.Take your time. You'll end up regretting starting it within the first 50 years.
That was a lot of fun, thanks!
Thanks so much. It was a lot of fun and the commentary was hilarious. Well done
Top thread and execution @Phil Jones Face.
Going by the leaderboards I look like one of the main superpowers.
Let's just go with that, and ignore how utterly incompetent I seemed to be when it came to wars and colonising.
Let's just go with that, and ignore how utterly incompetent I seemed to be when it came to wars and colonising.
Absolutely. Thanks mate.
The full leaderboards (including non players) was pretty wild.
#2 Mughals with 4.3k dev
#3 USA with 3.1k dev
#5 Songhai with 1.9k dev
#6 Colombia with 1.9k dev
#7 Aq Qoyunlu with 1.8k dev
#9 Ming with 1.5k dev
If you mad bastards hadn't bent over backwards to feck each others colonies over, it could have been very different!
Next time run game on hard dif. AI is much smarter there.
I enjoy reading this game (that I didn't even know that exist)
Also I enjoyed that catalonia got independent in the end
Also I enjoyed that catalonia got independent in the end