Johnny Depp and Amber Heard | 2nd November: Loses libel claim

[Redlambs]

It is the truth

Is it though?

I mean do I think it happens to women more than men? Yes I do, of course. But I also think it's talked about a lot less because men do tend to hide it more rather than the lack of occurrences. It's a much bigger stigma to this day to be a man attacked by a partner than a woman.

But then I get my opinion on that from sitting in various groups and helping others male and female over the years, rather than stats that can't possibly show the entire picture. So I'm willing to cede I might be wrong on that front.

 

[Infordin]

I don’t think there’s any point in arguing about which gender experienced domestic violence because each case should be taken on an individual basis.

What is worth talking about is the complete lack of help for male victims of domestic abuse. No DV shelters, zero help from law enforcement, no sympathy by society, etc... it’s very depressing.

 

[Redlambs]

I don’t think there’s any point in arguing about which gender experienced domestic violence because each case should be taken on an individual basis.

What is worth talking about is the complete lack of help for male victims of domestic abuse. No DV shelters, zero help from law enforcement, no sympathy by society, etc... it’s very depressing.

I agree, but that's not what the discussion is about.

It's about why it's not such a prevalent talking point. Which is a very valid discussion to have.

 

[Infordin]

I actually do think that society has made a huge amount of progress in how it treats male victims of domestic abuse. As someone that grew up in the noughties, it wasn’t that long ago when female-on-make domestic abuse was considered hilarious comedy. You don’t see (as much) of that anymore.

 

[Redlambs]

I actually do think that society has made a huge amount of progress in how it treats male victims of domestic abuse. As someone that grew up in the noughties, it wasn’t that long ago when female-on-make domestic abuse was considered hilarious comedy. You don’t see (as much) of that anymore.

Maybe, maybe not. But it is still a very real thing, as witnessed by this incident.

Domestic abuse as a whole and how we look at it has come a long way, but like with all societal issues (especially these days with social media becoming ever more the judge), there's a long way to go yet.

 

[Wibble]

Is it though?

I mean do I think it happens to women more than men? Yes I do, of course. But I also think it's talked about a lot less because men do tend to hide it more rather than the lack of occurrences. It's a much bigger stigma to this day to be a man attacked by a partner than a woman.

But then I get my opinion on that from sitting in various groups and helping others male and female over the years, rather than stats that can't possibly show the entire picture. So I'm willing to cede I might be wrong on that front.

I think that the fact that so many women die due to domestic violence demonstrates a key difference and when combined with the scale of occurance differences between the sexes it makes the focus being on male on female abuse understandable. That doesn't make any violence or abuse justifiable of course and nor should it be ignored.

 

[fishfingers15]

Is it though?

I mean do I think it happens to women more than men? Yes I do, of course. But I also think it's talked about a lot less because men do tend to hide it more rather than the lack of occurrences. It's a much bigger stigma to this day to be a man attacked by a partner than a woman.

But then I get my opinion on that from sitting in various groups and helping others male and female over the years, rather than stats that can't possibly show the entire picture. So I'm willing to cede I might be wrong on that front.

Maybe not in the UK, but there are countries were femicide is a thing. I know that in India, husband hitting their wives is not frowned upon in many places. Across the world, women suffering in domestic violence would be a much bigger number than men suffering from domestic violence. Not to say that men should just keep calm and carry on.

I do agree that because of such an attitude, women hitting men carries a much bigger stigma. I think the very fact that it carries a much bigger stigma is a pointer that it doesn't happen as often as the other way around.

I don’t think there’s any point in arguing about which gender experienced domestic violence because each case should be taken on an individual basis.

What is worth talking about is the complete lack of help for male victims of domestic abuse. No DV shelters, zero help from law enforcement, no sympathy by society, etc... it’s very depressing.

Fair enough. That's why it is very important not to randomly say the victim spread is about 50% each

 

[Brwned]

If what he replied to you is suspicious, this line is even more so.

I cited evidence from multiple studies in multiple time periods in multiple countries, showing a very common trend, which just after this post you've said you agree with. Do women get physically abused more than men? The best evidence we have says yes they do, and significantly so.

Do traditional gender perceptions, ideas about masculinity, and a misunderstanding of the nature of domestic violence have an impact on the lower degree of coverage? Absolutely.

However the bigger factor is simply the incidence of these events. If we agree that women are physically abused more often than men, and men are less likely (whether slightly or significantly) to report it, then you would expect male on female domestic violence to be reported on significantly more often, simply as there's more material.

Added to that, the proportion of domestic violence that is a) particularly violent (including rape, murder) and b) consistently violent over a long period of time is significantly weighted towards male on female domestic abuse, and, however much we agree with it, those things make something more newsworthy in general and across multiple dimensions of crime, they're not exclusive to domestic violence or have any relation to gender.

I agree that it's a good thing domestic violence against men is being reported more, and agree the support services provided are disproportionately weighted against men. I just disagree with how it was framed, particularly where it didn't fit the evidence.

 

[ThierryHenry]

Probably not appropriate to go into it here, but outside of professionals who see it every day (Police and medical people) the 'layman' immediately assumed that I was the abuser, not her.

Sorry to hear that Colin, can only assume the permanent stress that causes to someone’s life. Hope you’re able to come out the other side.

 

[calodo2003]

Will his Biggie movie finally come out now?

 

[Peter van der Gea]

I find it interesting that Heard was defending herself by saying she wasn't punching, only slapping/hitting. I assume she means that a punch would be DV, but not a slapping.

However, I think we'd all agree that a man slapping a woman would be DV, mainly because of the greater risk of injury as there is a different in strength.

Interestingly, I managed to stick my beak into a DV situation about a week and a half ago. I saw a couple arguing in the street. She was screaming at him, grabbing and hitting him, but I didn't want to get involved. Then she headbutted him, solid connection and it rocked him, he had to go and sit down. As he did so, I asked him if he wanted me to call the police, to which he said yes please, but as soon as they realised I was actually speaking to the police, they held hands and walked off, despite her continuing hitting him while he was sat down. I'm annoyed with myself that I was going to let the hitting go and it needed a headbutt for me to act. On the other hand I have intervened when I've seen males squaring up and simply acting aggressive, no actual violence.

I guess what I'm work out is that if there is a higher bar for women to commit DV, could this be a reason for the difference in violence towards the different genders?

 

[Zarlak]

I find it interesting that Heard was defending herself by saying she wasn't punching, only slapping/hitting. I assume she means that a punch would be DV, but not a slapping.

However, I think we'd all agree that a man slapping a woman would be DV, mainly because of the greater risk of injury as there is a different in strength.

Interestingly, I managed to stick my beak into a DV situation about a week and a half ago. I saw a couple arguing in the street. She was screaming at him, grabbing and hitting him, but I didn't want to get involved. Then she headbutted him, solid connection and it rocked him, he had to go and sit down. As he did so, I asked him if he wanted me to call the police, to which he said yes please, but as soon as they realised I was actually speaking to the police, they held hands and walked off, despite her continuing hitting him while he was sat down. I'm annoyed with myself that I was going to let the hitting go and it needed a headbutt for me to act. On the other hand I have intervened when I've seen males squaring up and simply acting aggressive, no actual violence.

I guess what I'm work out is that if there is a higher bar for women to commit DV, could this be a reason for the difference in violence towards the different genders?

You're not alone.

 

[Rooney24]

Wow. She sounds exactly like my Ex Wife. Almost word for word and in her approach.

Especially the bit about leaving during an argument. I did that loads so I fully empathise with him. And exactly like Heard implies the "issue" wasnt the domestic abuse being dished out but the fact that I would leave during an argument that was way out of control. In her eyes THAT was the issue. Crazy.

 

[TrustInOle]

Subject close to my heart, happened to a very special loved one but roles were reversed. Also one of my all time favourite actors.

What I would like to know though, does private confidentiality still hold up with the admission of a crime? Let alone knowing one of your clients has done and most likely will, endanger a persons well being or in extreme cases, their life?

 

[Sassy Colin]

You're not alone.

This is so true.

One time I had the neighbours knocking on the door when my ex was having a go at me. The first thing the woman said was "I just wanted to see if she was alright".

Another time, a neighbour called the Police. Fortunately, the Police are not idiots (despite what some people might think). When they arrived I was locked in the bathroom on the phone to the Crisis Line asking for advice. I passed my phone straight to the Officer. They ended up arresting her, but the process for Sectioning is very vigorous and I can imagine her denying everything. They brought her back at 5 in the morning and she was like nothing had happened.

 

[DJ Jeff]

Man the left-right culture war really has made it onto the caf

 

[Peter van der Gea]

Man the left-right culture war really has made it onto the caf

I don't understand what you mean. Is it right wing to be a male abuser or left wing? How about female abusers, are they right wing or left wing? Or is it right or left wing to discuss it, if we ignore it, are we on the centre ground? Or was that simply just a stupid comment?

 

[Sassy Colin]

I don't understand what you mean. Is it right wing to be a male abuser or left wing? How about female abusers, are they right wing or left wing? Or is it right or left wing to discuss it, if we ignore it, are we on the centre ground? Or was that simply just a stupid comment?

This

 

[Fingeredmouse]

Man the left-right culture war really has made it onto the caf

What position is left or right in this regard?

 

[Paxi]

For what it's worth I was emotionally and physically abused by my ex. She was a total fecking psychopath -- who lashed out anytime I didn't give her my passwords so she could see what I was doing. Then after that, she'd turn on the waterworks and start with the excuses of how she was mistreated by her bf -- typical manipulation. In my opinion, a lot of men suffer from domestic violence but, a lot of us don't report it. Well one night I did. I called the police and despite seeing scratches and bruises on my neck, and forehead (hit me with a door key) my tshirt being completely ripped, all they did was give her a caution and then rang a taxi for her to get home. Now, thinking back on that, would any man be treated the same or would they be spending the night in the jail cell?

 

[Sassy Colin]

For what it's worth I was emotionally and physically abused by my ex. She was a total fecking psychopath -- who lashed out anytime I didn't give her my passwords so she could see what I was doing. Then after that, she'd turn on the waterworks and start with the excuses of how she was mistreated by her bf -- typical manipulation. In my opinion, a lot of men suffer from domestic violence but, a lot of us don't report it. Well one night I did. I called the police and despite seeing scratches and bruises on my neck, and forehead (hit me with a door key) my tshirt being completely ripped, all they did was give her a caution and then rang a taxi for her to get home. Now, thinking back on that, would any man be treated the same or would they be spending the night in the jail cell?

Sorry to hear that mate.

 

[Paxi]

Sorry to hear that mate.

Awk it's okay mate, I don't really think about it but I thought I'd share it, after seeing other people come forward.

 

[Redlambs]

For what it's worth I was emotionally and physically abused by my ex. She was a total fecking psychopath -- who lashed out anytime I didn't give her my passwords so she could see what I was doing. Then after that, she'd turn on the waterworks and start with the excuses of how she was mistreated by her bf -- typical manipulation. In my opinion, a lot of men suffer from domestic violence but, a lot of us don't report it. Well one night I did. I called the police and despite seeing scratches and bruises on my neck, and forehead (hit me with a door key) my tshirt being completely ripped, all they did was give her a caution and then rang a taxi for her to get home. Now, thinking back on that, would any man be treated the same or would they be spending the night in the jail cell?

In my experience, yes. Even though there were no scratches or bruises.

 

[Redlambs]

Man the left-right culture war really has made it onto the caf

?

Clarification on this would be nice.

 

[Paxi]

In my experience, yes. Even though there were no scratches or bruises.

Also Caroline Flack, seems she was allowed to step down herself from Love Island. Now imagine that was a bloke, he'd have been hung drawn and quartered. The mob would have been judge, jury and the executioner. Obviously not every case is like that but in some cases, there is definitely one rule for males and another for females.

 

[Paxi]

Depp ex's can attest to him not being violent with any of them. I mean violence begets violence. There is only so much a person can take after all. It does make you wonder what kind toxic relationship they were involved in? Heard sounds like such an abuser on that tape though -- the way she belittles him when she doesn't get a reaction just tell you everything you need to know about her.

 

[Paxi]

@Sassy Colin just seen your post in this thread earlier as well. It was at the very top and @VeevaVee mentioned about someone coming with ulterior motives and I was just waiting to see if he was going to reveal who it was so I missed it but sorry to hear that man. It's obviously not a nice situation to be in. It can be downright depressing.

 

[Redlambs]

Also Caroline Flack, seems she was allowed to step down herself from Love Island. Now imagine that was a bloke, he'd have been hung drawn and quartered. The mob would have been judge, jury and the executioner. Obviously not every case is like that but in some cases, there is definitely one rule for males and another for females.

Maybe, but let's not get caught up in that. It's why I didn't bother responding to those who wanted to make it about how women have it worse.

It does no good to the issue. It's does no good to you getting over what happened and moving on from it.

Depp ex's can attest to him not being violent with any of them. I mean violence begets violence. There is only so much a person can take after all. It does make you wonder what kind toxic relationship they were involved in? Heard sounds like such an abuser on that tape though -- the way she belittles him when she doesn't get a reaction just tell you everything you need to know about her.

Yep. However if he did lay a finger on her, that's wrong. Which is my only issue with what I've been through and how I've dealt with it, that I still often question myself about that attitude in 2020. It's hard to know if I'm white knighting or growing up with an abusive father has just made me better than all that. People belittle each other over attitudes like that and thinking men have it hard, but it is really confusing at times and that confusion mostly comes from people who haven't been in the situation and judge none-the-less.

 

[Sassy Colin]

@Sassy Colin just seen your post in this thread earlier as well. It was at the very top and @VeevaVee mentioned about someone coming with ulterior motives and I was just waiting to see if he was going to reveal who it was so I missed it but sorry to hear that man. It's obviously not a nice situation to be in. It can be downright depressing.

Apart from defending myself, I made absolutely sure never to lay a finger on her, because I knew that would be jumped on immediately.

 

[SilentWitness]

The barrister said the messages included texts sent to actor Paul Bettany, in November 2013, in which Mr Depp wrote: “Let’s burn Amber”.

He also allegedly wrote: “Let’s drown her before we burn her!!! I will f*** her burnt corpse afterwards to make sure she is dead.”

Well. That doesn’t look great.

 

[RedSky]

Sounds like they're both mental to me.

 

[Snow]

Well. That doesn’t look great.

Give me a group chat you're on and I can find similar posts out of context. At least we know he's talking about his abuser here but there's no more context than that. Morbid jokes are a thing so I'll give Depp the benefit of the doubt here before he's maybe socially executed again.

 

[Mike Smalling]

Just a little locker room talk

 

[Dr. Dwayne]

People feck burnt corpses all the time

 

[Garethw]

This is so true.

One time I had the neighbours knocking on the door when my ex was having a go at me. The first thing the woman said was "I just wanted to see if she was alright".

Another time, a neighbour called the Police. Fortunately, the Police are not idiots (despite what some people might think). When they arrived I was locked in the bathroom on the phone to the Crisis Line asking for advice. I passed my phone straight to the Officer. They ended up arresting her, but the process for Sectioning is very vigorous and I can imagine her denying everything. They brought her back at 5 in the morning and she was like nothing had happened.

Jesus mate, thank Christ you’re out of that relationship now.

 

[oates]

Give me a group chat you're on and I can find similar posts out of context. At least we know he's talking about his abuser here but there's no more context than that. Morbid jokes are a thing so I'll give Depp the benefit of the doubt here before he's maybe socially executed again.

Agreed.

 

[Pexbo]

If I ever became famous and people linked me to my account here I would be cancelled pretty quickly for some of the jokes and comments I’ve made as would a good percentage of us. Despite that I’m sure that good percentage of us would never consider ourselves anything close to “bad” people.

 

[VorZakone]

Give me a group chat you're on and I can find similar posts out of context. At least we know he's talking about his abuser here but there's no more context than that. Morbid jokes are a thing so I'll give Depp the benefit of the doubt here before he's maybe socially executed again.

I can guarantee you me and my friends don't talk about burning someone or fecking a corpse though.

 

[Pexbo]

I can guarantee you me and my friends don't talk about burning someone or fecking a corpse though.

That’ll be in the chat with all your mates but you.

 

[arthurka]

The majority of men and women think a woman beating a man is unacceptable. It's spoken about much less primarily because it's much less common. The tone of this thread is very weird.

You would be amazed it really isn't much difference. 43% of all cases in the US are Male victims, 1 in 3 women will get abused at home and 1 in 4 males. Given that there are two shelters that accept male victims from well over 2000 shelters, funding is over 65% state or federal you could say that it's really a Male stigma. At least it seems not socially acceptable that there are Male abuse victims.