...either way, i don't think any of us are calling him a good guy or defending his actions. perhaps some just have the need, and no idea why, to defend what he's being labeled by others - but then i'm in no way right to say they can't label him a rapist if that's what they think.
Given the background you posted upthread somewhere, I think most of us can see how you might react rather strongly to the word “rape” being used here. For what it's worth, your post reminded me of a conversation I had along these lines some years ago – with a good friend of mine, who pointed out that there's an age gap between his parents which – clearly – means that his father was technically guilty of what we call statutory rape at one point. Unless they stayed celibate until his mother became of legal age, that is, as my mate pointed out – but he naturally doubted that, given human nature and so forth. Well, his parents got married as soon as his mother was old enough, and have been married ever since - a common enough story.
But what we're dealing with here is a technical term, for one thing, and secondly a term which very rarely comes into play in circumstances like the one mentioned above: If AJ goes on to marry this girl at some future date, and they stay married for the rest of their lives – then we're all fools for labeling him a creep, I guess. But it ain't likely. As it stands, he's a 28 year man using a minor – a girl he
knows is a minor – for sex or at least some form of sexual activity. Whether she was, in one sense or another, using him for the same – is irrelevant. Because she simply isn't of legal age.
If he had been an 18 year old lad, the matter would've been a different one even if the nature of the contact had been the same. And if he had been an 18 year old who actually
dated the girl, had some sort of
relationship with her, nobody in his right mind would label that creepy. Well, some probably would – but then again some people seemingly find pretty much anything creepy.
So, in short – if this had been a case of labeling my friend's dad a rapist, I would agree with you 100% That would be absurd, and if he were actually convicted of statutory rape, that would've been a travesty in my opinion. But this – well, it is completely different on all sorts of levels. What AJ was up to IS statutory rape, it rings perfectly natural to label it as such, and most people should be aware of the difference between that offence and a violent sexual assault. If they aren't, and thus consider AJ something he strictly speaking is not – well, in the name of fairness it should be pointed out to them, but I can't say I'm terribly sorry for the mislabeled party in this particular case