RAWK Goes into Meltdown 2014/2015 - The "We go again" Edition

[Lay]

I'm just stunned (for what should be an utterly obvious reason) that a Liverpool fan would suggest something like that.

He actually emailed the club and got a response too. He had about 19 points in total.

 

[SteveJ]

Better than Liverpool's first half of the season then.

 

[Momochiru]

They are top of the 2015 league table, Rob. Who needs the August-May league when you can be top of the January to March league? If there weren't a massive conspiracy the league would run in the calendar year, and then everyone would see that Liverpool were the best. If there weren't a conspiracy, shots that hit the post/bar would count as goals, or the goals would be bigger, and then everyone would see that Liverpool were the best. If there weren't a conspiracy, finishing 8th would be rightfully rewarded with a CL spot, and then Liverpool would win the CL with ease. Everyone knows the only reason Liverpool didn't win the CL, and only managed to win one group game, at home, with a late penalty, against some dodgy Bulgarian side, is because Brendan Rodgers, being the tactical master he is, had to concentrate on the league so that they could get into the top 4 to again qualify for a CL that they weren't going to win because they'd have to focus on finishing top 4 to qualify for the CL. Again.

And it's clearly a massive conspiracy that Skrtel got banned for an obvious stamp on De Gea when Rooney didn't even get a ban for being pushed, by Skrtel, into Mignolet. Also, how do you explain that Herrera, who's Spanish, got stamped on by Gerrard, who isn't Spanish, and then De Gea, who's also Spanish, got 'stamped' on by Skrtel, who isn't Spanish, and Mata, who's also Spanish, scored both goals that made Liverpool, who aren't Spanish, lose, are all Spanish? And that Sterling, who isn't Spanish, might move to Real Madrid, who are Spanish? And that Sanchez, who moved from Barca, who are Spanish, chose not to go to Liverpool, who aren't Spanish, but chose to go to Arsenal, who are managed by a Frenchman, which is exactly what Michel Platini, head of UEFA is? And then how do you explain that Liverpool, greatest side in European history, get knocked out of the UEFA Champions League in the group stage? And how do you explain that Sir Alex Ferguson, the perpetrator of this conspiracy, is an anagram of "Señor Fix Resulag" which is almost "Señor Fix Results" which is clearly what he is called in, you guessed it, Spain. His name literally tells us that he fixes results, and no one does anything about it.

Well, Rafael Benitez is Spanish, so is it any coincidence that Liverpool's greatest fightback against the Señor Fix Resulag regime of corruption came under his tenure? I think not. Likewise, Brendan Rodgers "spent a large amount of time travelling around Spain studying different coaching methods" - direct quote from Wikipedia - and where did Liverpool finish last year? That's right, they once again didn't win the league. Which is the best they've done since Rafael Benitez. Has Kenny Dalglish ever been to Spain? No. He'd burn up in the sun. Has Roy Hodgson ever been to Spain. No. His name is Roy Hodgson, which rhymes with Roy Dodge Sun, and what do they have lots of in Spain? Sun. It's clear that Brendan Rodgers has been to Spain because he has a marvelous, totally real tan, and because he's been to Spain, he can fight back against the obvious conspiracy.

Both quality!

 

[The Mitcher]

 

[rotherham_red]

Better than Liverpool's first half of the season then.

 

[Earthquake]

Better than Liverpool's first half of the season then.

 

[Pyroblazer]

They are top of the 2015 league table, Rob. Who needs the August-May league when you can be top of the January to March league? If there weren't a massive conspiracy the league would run in the calendar year, and then everyone would see that Liverpool were the best. If there weren't a conspiracy, shots that hit the post/bar would count as goals, or the goals would be bigger, and then everyone would see that Liverpool were the best. If there weren't a conspiracy, finishing 8th would be rightfully rewarded with a CL spot, and then Liverpool would win the CL with ease. Everyone knows the only reason Liverpool didn't win the CL, and only managed to win one group game, at home, with a late penalty, against some dodgy Bulgarian side, is because Brendan Rodgers, being the tactical master he is, had to concentrate on the league so that they could get into the top 4 to again qualify for a CL that they weren't going to win because they'd have to focus on finishing top 4 to qualify for the CL. Again.

And it's clearly a massive conspiracy that Skrtel got banned for an obvious stamp on De Gea when Rooney didn't even get a ban for being pushed, by Skrtel, into Mignolet. Also, how do you explain that Herrera, who's Spanish, got stamped on by Gerrard, who isn't Spanish, and then De Gea, who's also Spanish, got 'stamped' on by Skrtel, who isn't Spanish, and Mata, who's also Spanish, scored both goals that made Liverpool, who aren't Spanish, lose, are all Spanish? And that Sterling, who isn't Spanish, might move to Real Madrid, who are Spanish? And that Sanchez, who moved from Barca, who are Spanish, chose not to go to Liverpool, who aren't Spanish, but chose to go to Arsenal, who are managed by a Frenchman, which is exactly what Michel Platini, head of UEFA is? And then how do you explain that Liverpool, greatest side in European history, get knocked out of the UEFA Champions League in the group stage? And how do you explain that Sir Alex Ferguson, the perpetrator of this conspiracy, is an anagram of "Señor Fix Resulag" which is almost "Señor Fix Results" which is clearly what he is called in, you guessed it, Spain. His name literally tells us that he fixes results, and no one does anything about it.

Brilliant

 

[Ole's_toe_poke]

And it's clearly a massive conspiracy that Skrtel got banned for an obvious stamp on De Gea when Rooney didn't even get a ban for being pushed, by Skrtel, into Mignolet. Also, how do you explain that Herrera, who's Spanish, got stamped on by Gerrard, who isn't Spanish, and then De Gea, who's also Spanish, got 'stamped' on by Skrtel, who isn't Spanish, and Mata, who's also Spanish, scored both goals that made Liverpool, who aren't Spanish, lose, are all Spanish? And that Sterling, who isn't Spanish, might move to Real Madrid, who are Spanish? And that Sanchez, who moved from Barca, who are Spanish, chose not to go to Liverpool, who aren't Spanish, but chose to go to Arsenal, who are managed by a Frenchman, which is exactly what Michel Platini, head of UEFA is? And then how do you explain that Liverpool, greatest side in European history, get knocked out of the UEFA Champions League in the group stage? And how do you explain that Sir Alex Ferguson, the perpetrator of this conspiracy, is an anagram of "Señor Fix Resulag" which is almost "Señor Fix Results" which is clearly what he is called in, you guessed it, Spain. His name literally tells us that he fixes results, and no one does anything about it.

Jesus. Where did this come from.

 

[The Mitcher]

Alex has been possessed!

 

[ItsEssexRob]

Can I be credited for being the person Alex replied to? Without my inspiration he never would've done that!

 

[SteveJ]

Rob (Chelsea): Goals - 0 Assists - 1

 

[The Mitcher]

Rob (Chelsea): Goals - 0 Assists - 1

 

[Truedevil]

Rob (Chelsea): Goals - 0 Assists - 1

Own goals - 100

 

[clarkydaz]

noticed Robbie Fowler on Goals on Sunday peddling the 'Liverpool fans are the most knowledgeable in the world' line today. When did this happen, was there an IQ test?

 

[Chorley1974]

noticed Robbie Fowler on Goals on Sunday peddling the 'Liverpool fans are the most knowledgeable in the world' line today. When did this happen, was there an IQ test?

Double whammy with him and Rush, they play well to the gallery though.

 

[the hea]

They are top of the 2015 league table, Rob. Who needs the August-May league when you can be top of the January to March league? If there weren't a massive conspiracy the league would run in the calendar year, and then everyone would see that Liverpool were the best. If there weren't a conspiracy, shots that hit the post/bar would count as goals, or the goals would be bigger, and then everyone would see that Liverpool were the best. If there weren't a conspiracy, finishing 8th would be rightfully rewarded with a CL spot, and then Liverpool would win the CL with ease. Everyone knows the only reason Liverpool didn't win the CL, and only managed to win one group game, at home, with a late penalty, against some dodgy Bulgarian side, is because Brendan Rodgers, being the tactical master he is, had to concentrate on the league so that they could get into the top 4 to again qualify for a CL that they weren't going to win because they'd have to focus on finishing top 4 to qualify for the CL. Again.

And it's clearly a massive conspiracy that Skrtel got banned for an obvious stamp on De Gea when Rooney didn't even get a ban for being pushed, by Skrtel, into Mignolet. Also, how do you explain that Herrera, who's Spanish, got stamped on by Gerrard, who isn't Spanish, and then De Gea, who's also Spanish, got 'stamped' on by Skrtel, who isn't Spanish, and Mata, who's also Spanish, scored both goals that made Liverpool, who aren't Spanish, lose, are all Spanish? And that Sterling, who isn't Spanish, might move to Real Madrid, who are Spanish? And that Sanchez, who moved from Barca, who are Spanish, chose not to go to Liverpool, who aren't Spanish, but chose to go to Arsenal, who are managed by a Frenchman, which is exactly what Michel Platini, head of UEFA is? And then how do you explain that Liverpool, greatest side in European history, get knocked out of the UEFA Champions League in the group stage? And how do you explain that Sir Alex Ferguson, the perpetrator of this conspiracy, is an anagram of "Señor Fix Resulag" which is almost "Señor Fix Results" which is clearly what he is called in, you guessed it, Spain. His name literally tells us that he fixes results, and no one does anything about it.

I'm in tears

 

[Tyrion]

noticed Robbie Fowler on Goals on Sunday peddling the 'Liverpool fans are the most knowledgeable in the world' line today. When did this happen, was there an IQ test?

I really do hate that myth. I'd like to know who came up with it. It's never even debated or discussed, people just accept it.

They have this weird culture there and their managers spent a great deal of time promoting some of those ridiculous myths to get the crowd on side.

 

[Earthquake]

noticed Robbie Fowler on Goals on Sunday peddling the 'Liverpool fans are the most knowledgeable in the world' line today. When did this happen, was there an IQ test?

They're not even the most knowledgeable in Liverpool, ffs.

 

[RoadTrip]

Rob (Chelsea): Goals - 0 Assists - 1

Some real gems in this thread, from what's actually on RAWK, what would slot in perfectly on RAWK, and our response to either of the above.

 

[Cristiano Jonaldo]

Imprison the fans. Good idea.

Not just that, they want to imprison unhappy fans.

Can't imagine what a few thousand of those pushing and shoving would result in...

 

[Djemba-Djemba]

Double whammy with him and Rush, they play well to the gallery though.

Brendan Rodgers is the guest next week too.

 

[Getsme]

Not just that, they want to imprison unhappy fans.

Can't imagine what a few thousand of those pushing and shoving would result in...

Bad taste

 

[clarkydaz]

I really do hate that myth. I'd like to know who came up with it. It's never even debated or discussed, people just accept it.

They have this weird culture there and their managers spent a great deal of time promoting some of those ridiculous myths to get the crowd on side.

top of the alternative league, calendar year league and pub quiz league now then

 

[Tyrion]

top of the alternative league, calendar year league and pub quiz league now then

As well as the "If shots that hit the post counted" league and the "If Sturridge was fit" league and the "If the ref wasn't a cnut" league.

5 times.

 

[Ramshock]

their match day commentary thread started all smug with Long Ball Louis this and microphone head that then they lost the smugness quick

 

[moses]

noticed Robbie Fowler on Goals on Sunday peddling the 'Liverpool fans are the most knowledgeable in the world' line today. When did this happen, was there an IQ test?

Robbie is right, they like myself, agree that the working man is a sucker. Except they have the courage of their convictions.

 

[MrMarcello]

They are top of the 2015 league table, Rob. Who needs the August-May league when you can be top of the January to March league? If there weren't a massive conspiracy the league would run in the calendar year, and then everyone would see that Liverpool were the best. If there weren't a conspiracy, shots that hit the post/bar would count as goals, or the goals would be bigger, and then everyone would see that Liverpool were the best. If there weren't a conspiracy, finishing 8th would be rightfully rewarded with a CL spot, and then Liverpool would win the CL with ease. Everyone knows the only reason Liverpool didn't win the CL, and only managed to win one group game, at home, with a late penalty, against some dodgy Bulgarian side, is because Brendan Rodgers, being the tactical master he is, had to concentrate on the league so that they could get into the top 4 to again qualify for a CL that they weren't going to win because they'd have to focus on finishing top 4 to qualify for the CL. Again.

And it's clearly a massive conspiracy that Skrtel got banned for an obvious stamp on De Gea when Rooney didn't even get a ban for being pushed, by Skrtel, into Mignolet. Also, how do you explain that Herrera, who's Spanish, got stamped on by Gerrard, who isn't Spanish, and then De Gea, who's also Spanish, got 'stamped' on by Skrtel, who isn't Spanish, and Mata, who's also Spanish, scored both goals that made Liverpool, who aren't Spanish, lose, are all Spanish? And that Sterling, who isn't Spanish, might move to Real Madrid, who are Spanish? And that Sanchez, who moved from Barca, who are Spanish, chose not to go to Liverpool, who aren't Spanish, but chose to go to Arsenal, who are managed by a Frenchman, which is exactly what Michel Platini, head of UEFA is? And then how do you explain that Liverpool, greatest side in European history, get knocked out of the UEFA Champions League in the group stage? And how do you explain that Sir Alex Ferguson, the perpetrator of this conspiracy, is an anagram of "Señor Fix Resulag" which is almost "Señor Fix Results" which is clearly what he is called in, you guessed it, Spain. His name literally tells us that he fixes results, and no one does anything about it.

This deserves an observable laugh!

Spoiler

 

[Stretford End Phil]

Reading a couple of pages of RAWK, it does seem they have imploded with torrid posts. They build themselves up on the slightest pretence of success and then take the fall very badly. I never got that sense of success and failure during our bad times before Fergie's success. They all believe in Rodgers but I doubt he has what it takes and deep down whether he really believes in himself. As to the pundits and dear old Kenny one can only recommend Prozac in large doses.

 

[montpelier]

I've taken the plunge & registered over there, mainly because I have a shrine in my garage dedicated to the tactical insights of Phase of Play and a framed copy of Andy@Allerton's last post in the front hall. Obv, I'm a bit nervous, and have been up all night drafting & redrafting a possible 1st contribution. I don't want to be called an 'arl woolly-arse or exhibit any momentary lapse of disloyalty straightaway.

''Really grateful to the club for finding myself padlocked to my seat during yesterdays charity game which we won 2-2 , net spend for the day was very reasonable, and there was no sign of that big red crow which might.. have ruined everything, had I not blindfolded the kids as a precaution,. Anyway, I finally got around to considering everything at very great length; and with as much sense as Howard Webb would make looking for a barbers, and with as many ridiculous metaphors as possible, this new slant on the Sky, Mourinho, WealdstoneRaider, UEFA, Clive Tyldesley, Football Association, Glen Johnson and Premier League PLOT we are most definitely not at all overly obsessed with. It's a lot like what Confucius said in around 500 BC, in his discourse on the functions of the State, and how organisations defer to having ethical principles which are founded on those which best suit the primary unit. It should be fecking US!! then? shouldn't it?
Anyway, I reckon the glorious new theory all explains why a furious Rafael Benitez was so keane (what a dirty bastard he was, btw - so glad, I'm unaware our lads never done nothing like that) to always & hilariously refer to SAF as 'Meester Ferguson'. I reckon Rafa wouldn't have wanted to accidentally say 'Senor Fix' for fear of appearing like a bumbling Forrin fool spouting bitter old bollocks. Or, he was way too 'umble & unassuming to provide full disclosure to the hostile print & television vultures who have never ever warmed to the scandalously-officiated, repeatedly done-over, feisty but virtually penniless underdogs of the Football Club of Liverpool. Or those fecking cancers might have threatened to replace him with a top top English Manager if he didn't surrender, cos he had to, Rafa himself would never surrender obv, or Kenny for that matter especially not to this clandestine axis of institutionalized bare-faced cheatyness we have identified. I miss Rafa, even though we've had 2 top top proper Redmen bosses and the useless Owl since (I blame the Hodge-Podge for single-handedly stopping us never winning the league in 24 years, he does look a bit like a Timelord regeneration gone all wrong does that bloke, so it's well possible in reality, too). It's getting emotional typing this tbh and I'm going to be starting wellin' up now, I am. So, whoever, we play next, let's twat the twatty twats until they've been twatting twatted into particles so small they'd confuse a theoretical physicist with a brain the size of Wales. And finally, if anyone fancies a loan of my 1986 Subbuteo 4 Times edition for a bit, Mrs M is trying to have me throw it out because she trod on Alan Kennedy''

Why bother, though

We almost had this team:

Pepe

Arbeloa
Hyypia <---- Sami gets the blame for trying to spanner this up, as he's 36 @ the arrival of Gnasher
Carra
Enrique

Alonso
Gerrard
Garcia
Mascherano

Torres
Suarez

manager: Rafa or Kenny

so

The rest of that side is totally plausible though, with Skrtel, Lucas, Kuyt, Aurelio, Johnson, Maxi and Yossi all potentially available too, and Flanno and Sterling just coming through then. Who knows what we might have achieved with that squad

it's like Andy Carroll never existed, innit

 

[Andy_Cole]

I've taken the plunge & registered over there

I've been trying to register for a few weeks now but I'm keep getting this message:

An Error Has Occurred!
Sorry, registration is currently disabled.

I want to check out the 'dark side' haha.

 

[SteveJ]

An Error Has Occurred!

How unlike RAWK to be so melodramatic...

 

[clarkydaz]

I've been trying to register for a few weeks now but I'm keep getting this message:

An Error Has Occurred!

isnt this simply the club's motto?

 

[Jippy]

I've taken the plunge & registered over there, mainly because I have a shrine in my garage dedicated to the tactical insights of Phase of Play and a framed copy of Andy@Allerton's last post in the front hall. Obv, I'm a bit nervous, and have been up all night drafting & redrafting a possible 1st contribution. I don't want to be called an 'arl woolly-arse or exhibit any momentary lapse of disloyalty straightaway.

''Really grateful to the club for finding myself padlocked to my seat during yesterdays charity game which we won 2-2 , net spend for the day was very reasonable, and there was no sign of that big red crow which might.. have ruined everything, had I not blindfolded the kids as a precaution,. Anyway, I finally got around to considering everything at very great length; and with as much sense as Howard Webb would make looking for a barbers, and with as many ridiculous metaphors as possible, this new slant on the Sky, Mourinho, WealdstoneRaider, UEFA, Clive Tyldesley, Football Association, Glen Johnson and Premier League PLOT we are most definitely not at all overly obsessed with. It's a lot like what Confucius said in around 500 BC, in his discourse on the functions of the State, and how organisations defer to having ethical principles which are founded on those which best suit the primary unit. It should be fecking US!! then? shouldn't it?
Anyway, I reckon the glorious new theory all explains why a furious Rafael Benitez was so keane (what a dirty bastard he was, btw - so glad, I'm unaware our lads never done nothing like that) to always & hilariously refer to SAF as 'Meester Ferguson'. I reckon Rafa wouldn't have wanted to accidentally say 'Senor Fix' for fear of appearing like a bumbling Forrin fool spouting bitter old bollocks. Or, he was way too 'umble & unassuming to provide full disclosure to the hostile print & television vultures who have never ever warmed to the scandalously-officiated, repeatedly done-over, feisty but virtually penniless underdogs of the Football Club of Liverpool. Or those fecking cancers might have threatened to replace him with a top top English Manager if he didn't surrender, cos he had to, Rafa himself would never surrender obv, or Kenny for that matter especially not to this clandestine axis of institutionalized bare-faced cheatyness we have identified. I miss Rafa, even though we've had 2 top top proper Redmen bosses and the useless Owl since (I blame the Hodge-Podge for single-handedly stopping us never winning the league in 24 years, he does look a bit like a Timelord regeneration gone all wrong does that bloke, so it's well possible in reality, too). It's getting emotional typing this tbh and I'm going to be starting wellin' up now, I am. So, whoever, we play next, let's twat the twatty twats until they've been twatting twatted into particles so small they'd confuse a theoretical physicist with a brain the size of Wales. And finally, if anyone fancies a loan of my 1986 Subbuteo 4 Times edition for a bit, Mrs M is trying to have me throw it out because she trod on Alan Kennedy''

Why bother, though



so



it's like Andy Carroll never existed, innit

Whatever happened to A@A? Did he get banned or just implode?

EDIT: He managed three tweets before getting bored it seems. Sample below.

Andy@Allerton @AndyAtAllerton · 10 Jul 2012
Hello there everybody. Thought it was about time I started twatering. Follow me now for my thoughts on currys,Liverpool and the corrupt FA .

 

[matherto]

Whatever happened to A@A? Did he get banned or just implode?

EDIT: He managed three tweets before getting bored it seems. Sample below.

Andy@Allerton @AndyAtAllerton · 10 Jul 2012
Hello there everybody. Thought it was about time I started twatering. Follow me now for my thoughts on currys,Liverpool and the corrupt FA .

I think he's probably ended it all after last years wonderful climax to the season.

 

[MDFC Manager]

isnt this simply the club's motto?

No cuz that would imply that the fault lies at their end. But all of us know that it's never their fault.

 

[Jippy]

I think he's probably ended it all after last years wonderful climax to the season.

I wouldn't be surprised. Just realised I hadn't heard his name in years. He used to be quoted in here all of the time. Am sure there are plenty of other paranoid weirdos to step into his shoes.

 

[Raoul]

He used to be a member here.

 

[Jippy]

He used to be a member here.

How long did he last?

 

[Barca84]

Imprison the fans. Good idea.

Yep it's worked really well in the past

 

[montpelier]

PoP in action, a comparison of chalk with more chalk.

Let's start with the basic info before deciding who should claim ownership of the comb.

So given that they are so close in minutes per goal, we then have to go to efficiency,

statistics..... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.... goals, minutes, shots, shots per minute... blah blah blah blah

(I thought it must be 4-3 to Pot from Kettle, tbh)



But apparently not.

.....Lambert plays like a proper centre forward, and his numbers back that up.