RAWK Goes Into Meltdown 2016-17 Edition

[2 man midfield]

"Expected Mike Dean to rabona in the third himself"

That's great

 

[Santoryo]

 

[Badunk]

What this win streak shows, is how much they really are the media's darling. By that I mean ManUnited as a club and Mourinho. After every win, doesn't matter the opponent, there are about three new articles about "how he turned it around" and "how they can still win the title" and "it was only a matter of time", while conveniently forgetting about all the refereeing decisions that went for ManUnited in all of those games. I think the best example of the selective reporting seen in the media is the two wonder goals of Mchitaryan and Giroud. After that goal by Mchitaryan, there was a three day wankfest about how amazing that goal was and that it is because Mourinho did everything right with him (really?!). While about Giroud's goal, there was maybe one or two articles, at best.

 

[Revan]

I thought this was funny:

Real shame is Klopp being sent-off for repelling Maureen's sudden sly unexpected eye-gouge attack with a spectacle lens.

 

[JB08]

Can anyone translate this into English?

Why are people banging on about good footy? did he play good footy at chelsea? and did demento play good footy near the end ? when ronaldo won it on his own? an people here were saying oh there shit there shit they will never win it, this game against the twats seems a real biggie even by our standards, because if we win there it will kill them big time if it goes the other way? well.

 

[Mihai]

Can anyone translate this into English?

Tried my best:

Why are people banging on about good footy? did he play good footy at chelsea? and did demento play good footy near the end ? when ronaldo won it on his own? - Why are people talking about good football? Did Jose play god football at Chelsea? Did SAF played good football near the end of his career? We won a lot of things because Ronaldo was winning games on his own.

an people here were saying oh there shit there shit they will never win it - ????

this game against the twats seems a real biggie even by our standards, because if we win there it will kill them big time if it goes the other way? - The game against United is massive even by their standards, because if they win they will kill our momentum big time. If it goes the other way, no one knows.

 

[JB08]

Tried my best:

Thanks, it helped a bit some bizarre posts over there to say the least.

 

[calodo2003]

Can anyone translate this into English?

Proper punctuation and the proper use of 'there/their/they're' would have helped that drivel of a post out immensely. Probably asking too much...

 

[montpelier]

THIS IS THEM TALKING ABOUT US !!!!!

Yep, next year will be their year...

 

[montpelier]

and so is this, have they time-travelled back to 1991 over Xmas or something

They won't win anything this season but for the first time in a very long time, they worry me.

 

[TwoSheds]

THIS IS THEM TALKING ABOUT US !!!!!

They've basically already won the league tbf.

 

[Rossa]

Can anyone translate this into English?

Mourinho is shit, Manchester United is shit. I think I nailed it.

 

[JB08]

and so is this, have they time-travelled back to 1991 over Xmas or something

This confused me a lot. So they weren't concerned in 14-15 when we finished 8 points ahead of them? Or last season when we did by 6?

 

[Badunk]

They are the David Moyes of football clubs. Full of self-pity about how everything is stacked against them, then, when they get even an inkling of success, exude such arrogance that you can't wait for the inevitable fall.

 

[Peanut Butter]

They are the David Moyes of football clubs. Full of self-pity about how everything is stacked against them, then, when they get even an inkling of success, exude such arrogance that you can't wait for the inevitable fall.

Football fans across the land don't call Liverpool 'Self Pity City' for nothing, you know

 

[Ultimate Grib]

I'm going to speculate that the context of this in the poster's mind is the comparison of who gets what decisions.

That first part of the post is absolutely bizarre. Why do they need 5 goals to win it but he then counts 7? And even if we take away the two disallowed goals to keep it at 5 why is the winner the fifth goal when the opposition has scored just two?

Some next level unstable mindframes over there who struggle with basic math.

 

[Gazautd18]

The comments on Amazon for this book are comedy gold. Not sure which are funnier, the spoof ones or the serious ones.

Comedy gold them comments.

 

[SteveJ]

RAWK declares war on Modern Art:

Got to be the biggest load of wank ever.

A sculptors collection is now currently on display in Lady Lever Art Gallery in Port Sunlight which...wait for it...consists of a pig's tail, trotters and sausages mounted on a wardrobe, entitled Wild Wildlife.

Ohhh go and feck off yeh twat.

Artist quote "Ordinary objects are used to project emotive or humorous messages,encouraging us to look again at our own enviroment."

Otherwise known as a pile of shite in laymans terms.

FFS, on display is three pairs of feckin pyjamas called Sleepwalkers...no it's not,its three pairs of feckin pyjamas...bell end.

I,m not a philistine (sp) but can someone please, please explain this shite. I can look at a painting and think ...jeeez, thats talent but surely the difference between an artist and me is I can,t paint but an artist can. Any fecker can do what these pricks do.

So, at a loose end, its on now. Me, I would rather twat my ball bag with a steak hammer.

I got invited to The Tate, Albert Dock, when it first opened. There on display was a glass of water on a shelf and some feckin beaut in a linen suit explained it to me. I was young and took it all in. If it was now I'd drop kick him in the bollocks.

Every piece of modern art I have seen is cack made by a pony-tailed tosser in a grandad shirt called Frederico.

And that Tracy Eminem or whatever her feckin name is can piss of too. If she is ever round this way I will pelt her with eggs and boot her in the shin, which I will entitle "Kick the twat"

 

[dwd]

That last one is hilarious

 

[SteveJ]

Anyone who nails pigs trotters to a wardrobe and calls it art is a c*nt...end off.
Museum curators need there balls kicking in too.

Curator: "Describe your pieces."
Artist: "Well...it's three pairs of pyjamas and a 9ft oven glove."
Curator: "Mmmm...excellent"

 

[Camy89]

United (A) - 1. Can see them grinding out another draw.

United (A) - W
Swansea (H) - W
Chelsea (H) - W
Hull (A) - D
Tottenham (W)

These two amused me. The fact they think we'll 'grind out a draw' at home? With 70,000 fans cheering us on?

Also, win away against us, but draw at Hull away? Sorry what?

I'm a medical professional and would diagnose delusions of grandeur in these two.

 

[RetroStu]

Why do they keep acting like they are 30 points ahead of us in the table?.
I'l piss myself for days on end if we end up finishing higher than them at the end of the season.

 

[PoTMS]

Why do they keep acting like they are 30 points ahead of us in the table?.
I'l piss myself for days on end if we end up finishing higher than them at the end of the season.

Especially all these Einsteins' with their oh-so-clever, "they've gone from 6th to 6th LOLZ", completely ignoring the fact we were practically dead and buried 6-7 games ago, our league season in tatters, and now we're sitting here 2 points off top four and are in the best form out of all the teams in the league, bar Chelsea.

 

[Vanrouge]

Especially all these Einsteins' with their oh-so-clever, "they've gone from 6th to 6th LOLZ", completely ignoring the fact we were practically dead and buried 6-7 games ago, our league season in tatters, and now we're sitting here 2 points off top four and are in the best form out of all the teams in the league, bar Chelsea.

Exactly. The fact that we're still in the same place in the table seems to have made them forget how many points we've clawed back to put ourselves in contention again.

 

[Vanrouge]

The nine-foot oven glove is killing me.

Ah, and this:

Every piece of modern art I have seen is cack made by a pony-tailed tosser in a grandad shirt called Frederico.

is made funnier by the sentence order, where I'm fairly sure he meant the pony-tailed tosser was called Frederico, and not his shirt.

 

[marukomu]

Liverpool fans are great until you talk about football.

 

[stevieg4ever]

The nine-foot oven glove is killing me.

Ah, and this:



is made funnier by the sentence order, where I'm fairly sure he meant the pony-tailed tosser was called Frederico, and not his shirt.

Sorry to rain on your parade but, whilst his syntax and general grammar is hardly exemplary, the preposition "in" separates the two common nouns ("tosser" and "shirt"). For your attempted insult to be correct, he would need a comma between "tosser" and "in". There isn't one, so you defer to the last noun in the sentence, in this case the pronoun "Frederico", as the modifier always comes before the noun.

The guy is probably still annoyed at Macheda's goal against Villa, or something like that.

 

[Vanrouge]

Sorry to rain on your parade but, whilst his syntax and general grammar is hardly exemplary, the preposition "in" separates the two common nouns ("tosser" and "shirt"). For your attempted insult to be correct, he would need a comma between "tosser" and "in". There isn't one, so you defer to the last noun in the sentence, in this case the pronoun "Frederico", as the modifier always comes before the noun.

The guy is probably still annoyed at Macheda's goal against Villa, or something like that.

Rain on my parade? Attempted insult? Calm down, lad. Just having a laugh because the sentence is oddly expressed. And you might be right about him being still upset about that Macheda goal (I gather he's not alone in that), but if that's the case he's gone and misspelled Federico!

 

[Fridge chutney]

It truly is an embarrassing forum.

"Ahhh well. To be fair Mourinho's playing a blinder so far, he's loaded up their wage bill, stunted the development of some fine young players, and has them playing shitly but juuuuust well enough that he's not going to get sacked at the end of the season."

 

[Vanrouge]

Sorry to rain on your parade but, whilst his syntax and general grammar is hardly exemplary, the preposition "in" separates the two common nouns ("tosser" and "shirt"). For your attempted insult to be correct, he would need a comma between "tosser" and "in". There isn't one, so you defer to the last noun in the sentence, in this case the pronoun "Frederico", as the modifier always comes before the noun.

The guy is probably still annoyed at Macheda's goal against Villa, or something like that.

Oh, and if we're going to get pedantic, a proper name is not a pronoun. I don't mind Liverpool fans on the Cafe, but I do have to wonder why they come into this thread and get all defensive, where all we're doing is laughing at RAWK.

 

[matherto]

RAWK declares war on Modern Art:

I must admit to pissing myself laughing at them because

a) they're completely and utterly spot on about what everyone who isn't an 'artist' thinks and
b) nothing illustrates the supposed lack of culture and not 'getting' modern art and all it's pretentious bollocks as well as a scouser on a rant

For the rest of the posts, it's giving me that warm feeling that they're back to moaning about referees decisions going in our favour. We're getting somewhere when they're moaning about referees. It's doubly sweet when they're correct and there's sweet feck all they can do about it.

 

[VanGaalEra]

By my reckoning we need 5 to win this:
One to equalise the penalty when 2 of their players trip over each other near out penalty area.
One to equalise the goal from the free-kick awarded for a bad stare which leaves 4 of theirs unmarked and free in our 6 yard box, possibly marginally offside, but hard to call, especially when the referee was taking a selfie at the time so didn't see it.
Two for the two goals we have disallowed because we attacked too fast for the referee to keep up with, and because he didn't see them, he can't give them. Them's the rules.
Two goals that the referee can't think how to disallow.
And the winner.
Makes 5 then, in my book.

Real shame is Klopp being sent-off for repelling Maureen's sudden sly unexpected eye-gouge attack with a spectacle lens.
Mourinho clasps his cut finger, and lays down in front of the dugout, writhing in agony, joined in a sympathy writhe by Phil Jones, then in a protest writhe by several other United stalwarts, all looking up with one eye from time to time to check the referee is responding. From behind a phalanx consisting of the United tea-lady, broom-lady, coach, and a man wearing a Fellaini wig, who might actually be Fellaini, the referee brandishes his card at Klopp, banishing the gentle German, for wearing a weapon in the managerial area.

Liverpool's victory is pyrrhic though, for even as the players and supporters celebrate, they are taunted by the witty Manchester crowd who, in a unique moment of awareness, knowing how much it will upset their conquerors, burst into a spontaneous and well-rehearsed ode to Liverpool's great city rivals, and the Theatre of Dreams comes to life with 'We are Everton' as the tired Liverpool victors trudge down the tunnel.

Afterwards, Mourinho appears on MOTD with a bandage covering his entire head. Alan Shearer calls hiim one of the greats. Despite such plaudits Mourinho's evening is spoiled when he gets home to his Lowry pad and discovers evidence that Ryan Giggs, aka the Welsh Wazzock, who couldabinacontenderifithadntabinferloiusaloysiusvangaal has been using it as a noshing shop. There is evidence of a low block all over the place, and a pair of Gary Lineker's socks.

 

[Sparky_Hughes]

To be fair they are spot on about modern art. A load of pretentious posey shit done by talentless toss pieces.

 

[Phurry]

To be fair they are spot on about modern art. A load of pretentious posey shit done by talentless toss pieces.

So, Brendan Rodgers then?

 

[SteveJ]

 

[SalfordRed1960]

Mourinho is shit, Manchester United is shit. I think I nailed it.

You forgot la.

 

[Sparky_Hughes]

So, Brendan Rodgers then?

 

[Sweech]

Haven't they always felt that for the past decades? Even when we were the best team in the world back in 07/08.

Mate that support group doesn't even realize that they've been below us spuds for the greater part of the last decade. Reason and logic do not apply to them.

 

[Badunk]

Apparently on shitcafe they have a thread on referee's decisions and all the one's that have gone against them.
Pretty much every refereee who does any of their games is shite.

Words fail me.

 

[SwansonsTache]

Not every forum can be such a stellar representation of objectivity, reason, sanity, football knowledge and poetry talent that RAWK represents.

They should bare with us.