RAWK Goes Into Meltdown 2015-16 Edition

Waltraute

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You've got The Kop all in a whirl
We're going bonkers every boy and girl
Kloppo, your hair's alright
Kloppo, let's go out tonight
You like beer, and you like football
You like dancing and you look divine
You love the Reds when they're playing hard
You want more and you want it fast
A baseball cap with glasses looks wrong
You crazy thing, you put them on

Jurgen Klopp, let's gegenpress
Jurgen Klopp, their defence is a mess
Jurgen Klopp, watch the redmen go
Hot tramp, we love you so!
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http://www.redandwhitekop.com/forum/index.php?topic=323374.msg14197679#msg14197679
 

marukomu

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Roy Hodgson could have pushed Liverpool's bill for Danny Ings to beyond £10m after handing the forward his England debut against Lithuania on Monday.
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That will go down well.
 

SteveJ

all-round nice guy, aka Uncle Joe Kardashian
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Who the bugger's that supposed to be?!?
 

SteveJ

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Stookie said:
Looks like the weird bloke that use hang around a playground near us when we were kids. Some lads at the end of our street kicked the shit out him.
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Hedgeporn alert.

Meanwhile, in glamorous Liverpool...

TLW said:
Me and my mate lasted about ten minutes in that pub. We were walking up and down Caledonian Road because there were no windows or sign to it. When we walked in there was some cockney having a spliff outside who called us a pair of "shifty fackin caaaaaaaannts". The strippers were awful, one looked like an Eastern European smack head and the other looked like Manny Pacqiuoa in drag. The place was so fecking dark you needed night vision goggles. Didn't even bother going the bogs! When one finally got up when the pint glass was full the Manny drag artist stripped off to the Grange Hill theme music.
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Had 'the worst pub' conversation at work a little while back and someone came up with a place that was running a raffle that night where the first prize was a pound of mince.
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That's nothing, one time I went to a pub quiz and the place was so hard, the first question was "What the feck are you looking at?"
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Waltraute

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Hedgeporn alert! :lol:

The RAWKites are going mental! They're already reaching peak Rafa adulation.
What’s that? A distant, blonde, humanoid figure approaching me through the dark. Jurgen Klopp? No, it’s my wife.
[...]
Reds fans have been spotting Klopp (or his spectre) around Liverpool even two days before he arrived in the city. What will they see when he really arrives? In flesh. When you’re in love, you imagine your beloved in every face walking by.
[...]
Where did this fairy tale begin? For me it began in 2006 when I first saw Klopp up close and personal, and I do mean for real.
[...]
Klopp will introduce a new type of humour in Liverpool, boasting witty punch lines and a cultured taste in the arts, but wait… this is not a theatrical review. This is football. Do not judge Klopp as a master of ceremony. Just as Gerrard shouldn’t judge a coach on the warmth of a hug, nor should you the journalist or fan, judge Klopp on how entertaining he is on television.
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http://www.redandwhitekop.com/forum/index.php?topic=323402.msg14190141#msg14190141
 

Badunk

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YouTube comment sections are usually a hovel full of vitriol and stupidity, but every so often you stumble across something worthwhile and enlightening. One of these rare occasions occurred whilst I was browsing the comments section of a My Bloody Valentine single (if you haven't heard of My Bloody Valentine, they're an amazing Irish shoegaze band and you should go look them up). After taking a 20 year hiatus, My Bloody Valentine came out with the brilliant MBV in 2013. Not quite as good as Loveless, but then Loveless is the best 90's album I've ever listened to (piss off OK Computer). I was instantly swept away by MBV, particularly the opening three tracks. The waves of fuzzy guitars and sonic booms lapping over you. And despite the cataclysmic sound, behind the frenetic noise is structure and subtlety. What sounds like harum sacrum music is actually beautifully intricate and arranged perfectly. Layers and layers are built upon each other, all working to create something special.

The comment in question, described the sound as "compressing the universe into a sugar cube." It instantly made sense to me, and it captured my imagination. At the time MBV was released, Borussia Dortmund were stampeding towards the latter stages of the Champions League, and being taken by them as I was, I spent a great deal of time watching Dortmund games (mostly Champions League) along with repeatedly listening to MBV. Instantly there was a connection. When I listened to MBV, I thought of Dortmund, when I watched Dortmund, "Only Tomorrow" and "Who Sees You" played in my head. Despite Klopp emphasising running, heart, emotion and guts, he also says his teams are tactically prepared, the triggers for when to press, who to press, for how long to press. When player A gets the ball, player B goes here and player C goes there. To the naked eye, this is spontaneous and free form, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Klopp meticulously fine tunes every aspect of his teams to squeeze every drop he possibly can from his players. So like Kevin Shields, Klopp is obsessed with having every cog working to produce the best possible end result. Plus I reckon Kevin Shields is bang into Gegenpressing.

After Borussia Dortmund drew 2-2 away to Real Madrid in the Champions League group stages, having dominated the match and in the process making Madrid look like semi professionals, I placed a sizeable bet on Dortmund to go the whole way and win Aul big ears (sizeable for a barman on minimum wage at least). The return would have been in the thousands. That night was a eureka moment for me. I had grown up watching Pep Guardiola's Barcelona side conquer all before them from 2008-2012. The pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, goal. Kick off, interception, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass..
I thought this was the way to play football. Not just a way of playing, but the only way if you wanted to win. Then came Jurgen Klopp and Borussia Dortmund. That first half in particular against Real Madrid was one of the most captivating performances I can remember from any team. I sat bewitched, watching as guys like Xabi Alonso, Luka Modric and Mesut Ozil looked hapless against the swarm of yellow and black who wouldn't leave them alone. And they weren't playing the same way Barcelona played either, it was more direct, and much quicker. It was that night where I became convinced Borussia Dortmund could win the Champions League. After the game, Klopp said "I'm sure we will still remember this game in 10 years' time," - little did he know, that game would almost be rendered obsolete by another game against Real just 5 months later.

In the quarter final, Dormund survived a major scare against Manuel Pellegrini's Malaga side. Malaga were well organised, and in Isco they had a player who could prove decisive in certain moments of the game. Isco didn't dictate or dominate that second leg, but he sprinkled it with quality. His pass for Malaga's second goal in particular was wonderful. That should have been the moment that sent Malaga to an unprecedented Champions League semi final, but Dortmund had other ideas. Reus produced Dortmund's Neil Mellor goal, and Felipe Santana, less spectacularly produced Steven Gerrard's goal against Olympiakos. The goal should have been disallowed for offside, but as Klopp rightfully pointed out after the game, so should one of Malaga's. The only positive from the Malaga game was Lewandowski's goal, after a marvellous spinning flick assist from Marco Reus.

Then came the semi final first leg against their group stage opposition Real Madrid. Real Madrid arrived at the Westfalenstadion stadium with a starting 11 costing not far off the 300 million mark. Ronaldo 80; Alonso 35; Modric 35; Pepe 30; Coentrao 25; Ramos 20. Dortmund on the other hand, started that game with a team that cost little over 30 million, with Marco Reus making up almost 50% of that number. 90 minutes later, the galacticos of Real Madrid left the field battered, bruised and beaten. The last time they had suffered a defeat this wide, it was against their arch rivals Barcelona, but then Dortmund didn't have Xavi, Iniesta or Messi. Despite having quality players in Reus, Gundogan, Gotze and Lewandowski, Dortmund played as a team. Every single player played their part that night. Schmelzer's crappy dragged shot that landed at Lewandowski, who spun and fired into the roof of the net. Hummels, despite a horrendous error, maintaining a winning mentality and along with Subotic blocking and stretching for everything. Gundogan putting in one of the most complete central midfield performances I've ever seen (he really is brilliant that lad). Reus, Gotze and Kuba chasing down every ball without a second thought. And then Lewandowski, who also did pretty well that night. Spurred on by the crowd, Dortmund were sensational. Never before had the MBV comparison made more sense. There's an Oscar winning film to be made from playing "Who Sees You" over that 4-1 game I tell you.

Despite being on a fantastic run at the time under Brendan Rodgers, spurred on by the January signings of Sturridge and Coutinho, seeing a sweaty, ruffled and visceral Jurgen Klopp being interviewed after the Malaga game, pushing his glasses up, then down, swaying from side to side. Looking up and down, seemingly unable to compose himself. The spontaneous laughter, the honest and endearing nature of his answers all made me warm to the man. At the time it seemed like a pipe dream, but I wanted him to manage my team. I wanted that sort of real feeling instilled into my team. I wanted that do or die attitude in my team. I wanted the balls to the wall intensity of that Dortmund side to be reflected in my team.

Alas, here we are, 2 and a half years on from that interview, and Jurgen Klopp is managing OUR team. In the complexity of modern day football, it's sometimes easy to forget that the number one thing a fan wants, whether it be Grimsby fans, Southend fans, Dumbarton fans or Liverpool fans is their team to put their heart and soul into every game. Any player who can't get on board with that notion, no matter how good, will find himself out of the door with this fella in charge - I guarantee it.

Although it will take time to get anywhere near the performance level Dortmund reached against Madrid that night, the ride will be fun. By the time Klopp's Dortmund had dismantled Real Madrid, they were already double league champions. I've been sat here listening once more to MBV, attempting to think of a nice way of tying this up, but I clearly lack the intellect to do so (it is 4am). So in the spirit of Jurgen Klopp, and with my heart on my sleeve - Jurgen Klopp is going to take this league by storm, and I for one can't fecking wait. Enjoy it.
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Tl;dr the Reds are coming up the hill again
 

montpelier

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Badunk said:
Tl;dr the Reds are coming up the hill again
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Yeah, I read that one. Could only surmise it was part of some deranged ''I have wet my knickers over Jurgen for considerably longer than you have'' competition. <---- quite similar to the one we've had take place on here, really... :(
 

Mr Pigeon

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Badunk said:
Tl;dr the Reds are coming up the hill again
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The worst thing about that was that he/she called My Bloody Valentine a shoegazer band. They wouldn't know shoegazer if it smashed them over the head.

Edit: I got them mixed up with My a Chemical Romance for some reason. No more whisky for me.
 

SteveJ

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At the time it seemed like a pipe dream, but I wanted him to manage my team.
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Alas, here we are, 2 and a half years on from that interview, and Jurgen Klopp is managing OUR team.
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:confused:
 

Mr Pigeon

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Waltraute said:
Experience the balls to the walls intensity of a true Scouse koan.

Mr Pigeon, I know you must have been pissed beyond the state of humanity to mix up My Bloody Valentine and My Chemical Romance, so I won't call down the anathema.
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The ana what now? Are you calling me a cnut?! Lol I'm not even sure why I find that funny
 

Waltraute

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Mr Pigeon said:
The ana what now? Are you calling me a cnut?! Lol I'm not even sure why I find that funny
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:lol: Bell, book and candle! :nono:

To cheer you up, here are the RAWKites destroying NWA and The Style Council within the space of two posts

Straight outta Kloppton
Crazy motherfecker named Jurgen
From a team with Liverpool attitude
When he's called off, he's got a sawed off
Squeeze the trigger, and Bitters are hauled off
You too, Mancs, if you feck with him
The FA are gonna have to come and get him off your ass
That's how he's goin' out
For the punk motherfeckers that's showin' out
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http://www.redandwhitekop.com/forum/index.php?topic=323374.msg14203306#msg14203306

I was half in mind, I was half in need
And as the rain came down
I dropped to my knees and I prayed
I said, Oh Liverpool please score a goal
Ive seen all on offer and Im not impressed at all

I was halfway home, I was half insane
And every shop window I looked in just looked the same
I said, Now send me a sign to save my life
Cause at this moment in time there is nothing certain in
These days of mine

Ysee its a frightening thing when it dawns upon you
That I know as much as the day I was born
And though I wasnt asked, I might as well stay
And promise myself each and every day

That when youre knocked on your back and your lifes a flop
And when youre down on the bottom theres nothing else
But to shout to the Klopp, well we're gonna shout to the Klopp
We're gonna shout to the Klopp, we're gonna shout to the Klopp
Hey, we're gonna shout to the Klopp
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http://www.redandwhitekop.com/forum/index.php?topic=323374.msg14203313#msg14203313
 

SteveJ

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Shite to the top, more like.
 

Badunk

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I tend to see RAWK's relationship with their new manager from the point of view of Ice Cube's NWA diss, No Vaseline.
 

Callum93

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montpelier said:
I daren't read past the title of this one
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I imagine it'd be something like:

99 dreams I have had, in every one a league title,
It's all over and he's slipping pretty, as the title goes to City,
If I could find a souvenir, to justify his whole career,
And here it is, my five fingers, I'll hold them up and cry my tears
 

RetroStu

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Why do they act like Klopp is going to make them as dominant as us under Fergie?. If he wins 1 league title with them, i'll be very surprised.
 

montpelier

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Callum93 said:
I imagine it'd be something like:

99 dreams I have had, in every one a league title,
It's all over and he's slipping pretty, as the title goes to City,
If I could find a souvenir, to justify his whole career,
And here it is, my five fingers, I'll hold them up and cry my tears
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Yes, as I said... :)

You've fitted the 2nd& 3rd line TOO well - :lol:, I can hear it...:confused:
 

montpelier

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It

RAWK Loon #1
...we're just enjoying the adventure that's coming our way, its going to be fun, we're just indulging our best instincts and dreaming and being romantic.

They just don't get it.
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RAWK Loon #2
They get it, all right. They're scared of it so choose to attack it. But they fecking deffo, get it
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dumbo

Don't Just Fly…Soar!
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Liverpool made 50 more sprints than Spurs (614 v 564) & were the 1st team to run further in a PL game than Spurs this season. Gegenpress
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feck me:lol: top of the more sprints than Spurs league.
 

Wumminator

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Their post match thread is locked while the mods clear up posts from a lad telling foreign fans to "get back on their boat" and people make your mum jokes at each other.

How good is redcafe.
 
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