RAWK Goes Into Meltdown 2015-16 Edition

[Laphroaig]

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This looks to be the original, from our very own Feeky_Magee.

Some shameless ripping off going on in here.

But does the joke actually work? I'm asking as a foreigner here. Defending and defending against are two entirely different things to me (and in my native tongue). You defend yourself (Suarez/Terry), and you defend yourself against an outside threat (Vardy). Can you actually use the word (defend) in this form, Liverpool defending Vardy equals Liverpool defending against Vardy?

 

[Ducklegs]

But does the joke actually work? I'm asking as a foreigner here. Defending and defending against are two entirely different things to me (and in my native tongue). You defend yourself (Suarez/Terry), and you defend yourself against an outside threat (Vardy). Can you actually use the word (defend) in this form, Liverpool defending Vardy equals Liverpool defending against Vardy?

Yes it's a play on words.

They tend to not be completely hilarious if you are not completely comfortable with the language.

 

[sugar_kane]

But does the joke actually work? I'm asking as a foreigner here. Defending and defending against are two entirely different things to me (and in my native tongue). You defend yourself (Suarez/Terry), and you defend yourself against an outside threat (Vardy). Can you actually use the word (defend) in this form, Liverpool defending Vardy equals Liverpool defending against Vardy?

You're right, grammatically it doesn't make sense but the mind kind of skips over this issue upon first reading.

Maybe more so for native speakers who haven't been tutored in sentence construction therefore aren't as alert.

 

[BennyBlanco]

Reading thier drivel is the only thing that cheers me up these days.

 

[GaryLifo]

I believe I have a grammatically correct solution to ensure we can go on enjoying this joke for many years to come.

I'm surprised Vardy scored. Liverpool are usually excellent at preparing a defence for a racist.

 

[sugar_kane]

I believe I have a grammatically correct solution to ensure we can go on enjoying this joke for many years to come.

I'm surprised Vardy scored. Liverpool are usually excellent at preparing a defence for a racist.

Bingo

 

[rimaldo]

i'm not surprised vardy scored twice, liverpool are fecking terrible.

 

[Gol123]

I love how its everybody but Klopps fault.

 

[GaryLifo]

I love how its everybody but Klopps fault.

It was never Brendan's fault until after he got sacked.

They have this weird cult of the manager thing going on over there.

 

[Adisa]

They want to take Rodgers to the ICC.

 

[BennyBlanco]

I love how its everybody but Klopps fault.

Klopp doesn't need the help of anyone, he is a big man, far bigger than anyone here can imagine...

 

[Classical Mechanic]

But does the joke actually work? I'm asking as a foreigner here. Defending and defending against are two entirely different things to me (and in my native tongue). You defend yourself (Suarez/Terry), and you defend yourself against an outside threat (Vardy). Can you actually use the word (defend) in this form, Liverpool defending Vardy equals Liverpool defending against Vardy?

That kind of word play is quite common in British humour.

 

[MAME DIOUF 32]

Pretty weird that they let Vardy score two past them given that they are so great at defending racists.

They're a lot better at facilitating racism than defending against it.

 

[montpelier]

OK, maybe a poll for this one.. a very serious case of the delusion (look at the names or a pisstake of the situation on an epic scale) <-- and he wants them relegated

It's a squad analysis, these are always fun aren't they?

Its not that bad ..

Coutinho, Gomez , lovren , Clyne , Firmino , Hendo ..

Add 4 or 5 quality players.
Ibe, Can, Ward , Marko , Flanagan , Grujic , smith , ings , Origi as a squad players...

and our team will look capable of challenging.

 

[Green_Red]

I believe I have a grammatically correct solution to ensure we can go on enjoying this joke for many years to come.

I'm surprised Vardy scored. Liverpool are usually excellent at preparing a defence for a racist.

They even make t-shirts to support their case

 

[Rooney in Paris]

Why do they think Henderson is any good? Even when they list all their shite players, they single him out as a good one. Is it because he's the captain and heir to Sir Stevie?

Because he's incredibly average.

 

[Adisa]

Why do they think Henderson is any good? Even when they list all their shite players, they single him out as a good one. Is it because he's the captain and heir to Sir Stevie?

Because he's incredibly average.

If Hendo was at this club, I don't think he would even make the bench. And our midfield isn't special.

 

[SteveJ]

An army amassed just like centuries before,
In a city made famous by sieges of yore,
Where Constantinople and Byzantium once stood,
A new army now did descend like a flood.

An army of thousands in livery of red,
Liverbirds on their chests and a dream in their heads,
With smiles on their faces and songs in their hearts,
Of hope a new era was waiting to start.

Stood on the North Tribune I looked all around,
A sea of red swamping 3 sides of the ground,
Flags, scarves and banners that covered the crowd,
A show of red strength to make Chairman Mao proud. *

I surveyed the scene in awe and in bliss,
How could we fail on a stage such as this?
I reckoned without an AC Milan team,
With the class to make nightmares out of our dreams.

And so it transpired in a half straight from hell,
A Maldini sucker punch straight from the bell
With 2 blows from Crespo 5 minutes apart,
Milan drove a dagger through Liverpool’s heart,

We staggered and reached the refuge of half time,
Our worst fears were realised, 3-0 behind,
Ashen-faced Reds with their heads in their hands,
Slumped in despair on the steps of the stand.

An anger rose in me, but not with the team,
Where was the 12th man? Was Chelsea a dream?
We had to show pride, try to lift them somehow,
We’d come much too far to give up on them now.

Somebody somewhere had shared the same thought,
My faith was restored in our famous support.
YAWN grew in strength, as did I,
And I sang.. as if it was for the last time.

Looking back now I can’t honestly say,
That as I sang, I thought we would find a way
To come back, but I wanted the whole world to see,
We still had pride, we were still Liverpool FC.

That chorus will live on in legend and lore,
Cruyff said he had heard nothing like it before,
Maradona said it made him convert to a Red,
Luis said it spurred them to rise from the dead.

Then came the reverse of our first half ordeal,
6 minutes of mayhem that didn’t seem real
6 glorious minutes that none will forget,
When Stevie and Xabi and Vlad found the net.

Milan came again but at each turn were foiled,
Once more a siege played out on Istanbul soil,
As the seconds ticked down, the Redmen stood tall,
Though their muscles screamed ‘stop’ they ploughed on through it all.

Then came the moment God’s will became known,
The ball fell to Shevchenko with Dudek left prone,
With the goal at his mercy, our Pole somehow saved,
Someone from above must have smiled on the brave.

It was then that it suddenly all became clear,
Milan realised that this wasn’t their year,
Alongside the Reds stood an ally too great,
There was no resisting the power of fate.

So when the game entered it’s final test then,
They bore the demeanour of half-beaten men,
Defeat after so much no player deserved,
But while Milan’s men wilted the Red’s kept their nerve.

And when Andrei’s nemesis foiled him once more,
The night air was pierced by a deafening roar,
Destiny fulfilled all that was prophesised,
And I hugged all around me with tears in my eyes

The Redmen all met us, celebrations they led,
Carra The Lionheart, Gerrard The Red,
Sami The Mighty, the sturdy Hamann,
Dudek and all, heroes to a man.

And Rafa, our Moses, by his guiding hand,
He led us all back here to this Promised Land,
When the road became hard no excuse did he use,
And when all seemed lost here his genius shone through.

*blubs*

 

[montpelier]

If I wasn't bitter & obsessed a keen reader of RAWK cos they are so knowledgeable, I very likely wouldn't know who Ward, Grujic (isn't he 16?) & Smith are. Smith is crap, btw. I've furniture what has a better first touch than the lad.

Henderson is not far off their best player**, good engine erm... , reliable-ish...

**who actually plays

 

[Nighteyes]

Just watched the goals...Sakho might just about be the worst defender in the entire league.

 

[montpelier]

*blubs*

Kinell. That's quite articulatedly well written, tbf.

edit - the thing, not your 'blubs'

 

[shaggy]

Surely pool fans don't still rate Sakho?

 

[Moonred]

Surely pool fans don't still rate Sakho?

Well he used to be a world class calm presence. Now he is a decent CB. If he gets injured or something, he will turn into that brilliant CB again.

 

[Nighteyes]

Surely pool fans don't still rate Sakho?

They all think he's a 'Beast'. No joke.

 

[Wumminator]

And now look where we are, our squad is pure shite
I'm writing poems about 10 years ago when we had a great night
But ever since then our squad went all wrong
When will get back to the place we belong?

First there was Rafa, a great motivator
Within five years he was a fat Spanish waiter
Keane, N'gog, Babel and Kuyt,
But in five more years the idiot won nout.

It come to a head when he tried to sell Xabi
A Spanish great replaced with fecking Gareth Barry?
So we sent Rafa picking, but still we march on
Cuz the club will live on after the waiter has gone.

So in came Hodgson a face like an owl
He brought in Konchevsky, and our play was so fowl.
He didn't last long, he didn't have a chance
Cuz even the fans knew that Joe Cole is pants

Still though that year was one of the best in me life
I remember it well, my tears woke up the wife
I knew it I cried, just as Liverpool had planned
Raul Meireles was the best player in the land

After the owl then please arise Sir Ken
The title is coming back to Anfield again
Wait is this a joke, is this meant to be funny
Andy fecking Carroll cost how much money?

But still we supported our team, through this racism stuff hurt
I spent half my rent on a Suarrz is innocent shirt
And lost countless hours on google incognito
Finding the differences between negro and negrito

It still didn't matter the FA rule the land
And innocent little old Luis was banned
So we complained online we won't take this lightly
So it hurt all the more when Suarez got bitey

And so onwards and upwards here came Brendan the young
Possession, attacking and the Kop surely sung
We knew that in time the title would come
What I had waited for had surely begun

Now what comes next sent me to heaven
The red man had rose and Moyes was in seven
Suarez, Sturbridge and Sterling couldn't be stopped
And when May come around the prem we did top

But alas it was to soon, and although Pulis was crap
While I cried he stood there laughing in his crystal palace cap
Because our captain, our leader, our legend did trip
We lost the whole league because of ONE feckING SLIP.

So Brendan came back but without the Uruguyan
He couldn't bring us the prem no matter how hard he was trying
And he spent 40 mil on a striker who though well meant
Can barely trap a bag of cement

So we cast our net far and asunder
Desperate to not make another massive blunder
In came Klopp and my title hopes grew
We wanted the league, we were back everyone knew.

But I have to admit that progress is slow
United are above us, Everton just below
But at least we still have a massive celebration
2-2 with West Brom produced jubilation

So sure we no longer compete in Champions Cheer
But Europe misses us more, the famous Anfield atmosphere
We still sing our song at least two times a game
I KNOW that Jurgen Klopp will finally end my pain.

 

[Nighteyes]

And now look where we are, our squad is pure shite
I'm writing poems about 10 years ago when we had a great night
But ever since then our squad went all wrong
When will get back to the place we belong?

First there was Rafa, a great motivator
Within five years he was a fat Spanish waiter
Keane, N'gog, Babel and Kuyt,
But in five more years the idiot won nout.

It come to a head when he tried to sell Xabi
A Spanish great replaced with fecking Gareth Barry?
So we sent Rafa picking, but still we march on
Cuz the club will live on after the waiter has gone.

So in came Hodgson a face like an owl
He brought in Konchevsky, and our play was so fowl.
He didn't last long, he didn't have a chance
Cuz even the fans knew that Joe Cole is pants

Still though that year was one of the best in me life
I remember it well, my tears woke up the wife
I knew it I cried, just as Liverpool had planned
Raul Meireles was the best player in the land

After the owl then please arise Sir Ken
The title is coming back to Anfield again
Wait is this a joke, is this meant to be funny
Andy fecking Carroll cost how much money?

But still we supported our team, through this racism stuff hurt
I spent half my rent on a Suarrz is innocent shirt
And lost countless hours on google incognito
Finding the differences between negro and negrito

It still didn't matter the FA rule the land
And innocent little old Luis was banned
So we complained online we won't take this lightly
So it hurt all the more when Suarez got bitey

And so onwards and upwards here came Brendan the young
Possession, attacking and the Kop surely sung
We knew that in time the title would come
What I had waited for had surely begun

Now what comes next sent me to heaven
The red man had rose and Moyes was in seven
Suarez, Sturbridge and Sterling couldn't be stopped
And when May come around the prem we did top

But alas it was to soon, and although Pulis was crap
While I cried he stood there laughing in his crystal palace cap
Because our captain, our leader, our legend did trip
We lost the whole league because of ONE feckING SLIP.

So Brendan came back but without the Uruguyan
He couldn't bring us the prem no matter how hard he was trying
And he spent 40 mil on a striker who though well meant
Can barely trap a bag of cement

So we cast our net far and asunder
Desperate to not make another massive blunder
In came Klopp and my title hopes grew
We wanted the league, we were back everyone knew.

But I have to admit that progress is slow
United are above us, Everton just below
But at least we still have a massive celebration
2-2 with West Brom produced jubilation

So sure we no longer compete in Champions Cheer
But Europe misses us more, the famous Anfield atmosphere
We still sing our song at least two times a game
I KNOW that Jurgen Klopp will finally end my pain.

Bravo!

 

[SteveJ]

edit - the thing, not your 'blubs'

Tough crowd.

 

[montpelier]

that's complete genius, Twigg



incognito ---> negrito, and uruguayan ---> trying
esp tremendous for being much more their usual style

 

[Ivor Ballokov]

Tough crowd.

I appreciated it Steve, a lesser talent could easily have written bulbs there, but you saw it through the whole word without a single mistake, keep up the good work.

 

[JinnerJamie]

Not his best but still:

 

[Happytom82]

Haha. Countless hours in google incognito. Had me crying

 

[Devil may care]

Not his best but still:

Vardy as Steptoe.

 

[SteveJ]

I appreciated it Steve, a lesser talent could easily have written bulbs there

 

[montpelier]

Back there, I thought... (being a lazy git)

''Bit of an open goal that, but I won't edit again, I'm sure no one's going to stoop so dismally appallingly low to be bothered with that are they?''

 

[SteveJ]

I'm just relieved that I didn't write 'bulbs'.

 

[Mr Pigeon]

Pretty weird that they let Vardy score two past them given that they are so great at defending racists.

I need to remember this one during the end of year award nominations.

 

[Mr Pigeon]

I'm not surprised Vardy scored twice, Liverpool are fecking terrible. Since we're stealing jokes...

 

[amolbhatia50k]

Liverpool fans used to keep raving about Sakho. He's been garbage at times this season.

 

[Globule]

And now look where we are, our squad is pure shite
I'm writing poems about 10 years ago when we had a great night
But ever since then our squad went all wrong
When will get back to the place we belong?

First there was Rafa, a great motivator
Within five years he was a fat Spanish waiter
Keane, N'gog, Babel and Kuyt,
But in five more years the idiot won nout.

It come to a head when he tried to sell Xabi
A Spanish great replaced with fecking Gareth Barry?
So we sent Rafa picking, but still we march on
Cuz the club will live on after the waiter has gone.

So in came Hodgson a face like an owl
He brought in Konchevsky, and our play was so fowl.
He didn't last long, he didn't have a chance
Cuz even the fans knew that Joe Cole is pants

Still though that year was one of the best in me life
I remember it well, my tears woke up the wife
I knew it I cried, just as Liverpool had planned
Raul Meireles was the best player in the land

After the owl then please arise Sir Ken
The title is coming back to Anfield again
Wait is this a joke, is this meant to be funny
Andy fecking Carroll cost how much money?

But still we supported our team, through this racism stuff hurt
I spent half my rent on a Suarrz is innocent shirt
And lost countless hours on google incognito
Finding the differences between negro and negrito

It still didn't matter the FA rule the land
And innocent little old Luis was banned
So we complained online we won't take this lightly
So it hurt all the more when Suarez got bitey

And so onwards and upwards here came Brendan the young
Possession, attacking and the Kop surely sung
We knew that in time the title would come
What I had waited for had surely begun

Now what comes next sent me to heaven
The red man had rose and Moyes was in seven
Suarez, Sturbridge and Sterling couldn't be stopped
And when May come around the prem we did top

But alas it was to soon, and although Pulis was crap
While I cried he stood there laughing in his crystal palace cap
Because our captain, our leader, our legend did trip
We lost the whole league because of ONE feckING SLIP.

So Brendan came back but without the Uruguyan
He couldn't bring us the prem no matter how hard he was trying
And he spent 40 mil on a striker who though well meant
Can barely trap a bag of cement

So we cast our net far and asunder
Desperate to not make another massive blunder
In came Klopp and my title hopes grew
We wanted the league, we were back everyone knew.

But I have to admit that progress is slow
United are above us, Everton just below
But at least we still have a massive celebration
2-2 with West Brom produced jubilation

So sure we no longer compete in Champions Cheer
But Europe misses us more, the famous Anfield atmosphere
We still sing our song at least two times a game
I KNOW that Jurgen Klopp will finally end my pain.

This needs much more love. A work of genius. And props for the clever fowl joke.

 

[Sylar]

The incognito - negrito line was genius! Brilliant work.