Oh god.
There's going to be loads of this Chuck Norris stuff before the season starts isn't there?
Zlatan Ibrahimovic |United Player | See the thread in the United Forum
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In the latest episode of the United Hour Podcast, Nik (@Rood) was joined by comedian Ali Woods to look back at the best and worst moments of a rollercoaster season with the annual United Hour Awards.
Has Ten Hag been sacked yet? We're not sure and we hope not, but it's looking more likely as the days pass.
Who should replace him and why is it taking so long to make a decision?
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There's going to be loads of this Chuck Norris stuff before the season starts isn't there?
Good that just about confirms it, that he will move to Manchester, which is what they refer to us outside England. Lets hope Sweden is knocked out early so we can seal this deal. Its important we sign as much players possible early on, so they can start on the first day of preseason.
Zlatan's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools with Zlatan.
Thats true apparently, also i heard once that Zlatan has a bear skin rug in his lounge, it isn't dead, its just too afraid to move.
Zlatan doesn't dial the wrong number. You pick up the wrong phone.
Apparently Zlatan eats gummy bears but he sh#ts out grizzly's.
Zlatan made a Happy Meal cry.
No, he eats Monopoly and shits out Connect 4...
Zlatan wipes his arse to clean the toilet paper.
And proceeds to win in three moves.
When Zlatan takes the lie detector test, the machine confesses.
Zlatan once killed two stones with one bird.
When Zlatan makes a grammatical mistake, the dictionary is updated.
Zlatan once went out for a bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
Zlatan knows Victoria's Secret.
Zlatan is Hugo's Boss.
Zlatan once killed two stones with one bird.
When Zlatan makes a grammatical mistake, the dictionary is updated.
Zlatan once went out for a bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
Zlatan knows Victoria's Secret.
Zlatan is Hugo's Boss.
It's better than discussing Cascarino i suppose.
Zlatan has slept with John Terry's wife. 
Zlatan is a footballer
If Zlatan ever get caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning!
Zlatan once went to the Virgin Islands... They are now referred to as the Islands.
Death once had a near Zlatan experience.
Look what you have done!
What a joke this thread has become!
I was just looking at a compilation of the 100 greatest footballers currently playing on The Guardian. Zlatan was number 7, behind the Barca front 3, Ronaldo, Lew and Thomas Muller.
Not far off the truth, you'd think?
I dont feel qualified to say to be honest, but its certainly encouraging.
BS. Zlatan never speeds. Other drivers are just too slow.
ICP fan?
Youre responsible for what has happened to this thread in the last few hours.
It's been a while, but used to love them
I'd probably have Bale in over Lewa but the rest seems spot on.
Bale came in at 16 (this was from December 2015). Nauer, Aguero and Sanchez completed the top 10.
Our highest ranking player was of course De Gea at 18. Our highest ranking outfield player was Rooney at 60. Martial just behind him at 66.
Here is the link to it in case anyone is interested.
http://www.theguardian.com/football...est-footballers-in-the-world-2015-interactive
Could United not just send representatives to France to sign the deal?
I'm sure the contract talks are complete, it's just signing now. I'd feel more at ease if I was United if the deal was just signed. It would stop any remote possibility of a team suddenly putting a better offer forward to him, we all know his agent is a sneaky shite.
I'm sure the contract talks are complete, it's just signing now. I'd feel more at ease if I was United if the deal was just signed. It would stop any remote possibility of a team suddenly putting a better offer forward to him, we all know his agent is a sneaky shite.
Zlatan doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the world down!
Now Hamren has had his say on the speculation surrounding the frontman. Quoted by Swedish newspaper Goteborgs-Posten, he said: “Players have their leisure time on the schedule – there’s nothing I can control. But it would not be OK for Zlatan to fly to Manchester.”
Hamren also emphasised his confidence the speculation will not have a negative impact on Ibrahimovic or any of the rest of the Sweden squad. He added: “I’m 100% sure it will not affect Zlatan. He has been in the business a long time.
“I understand there is a lot of Zlatan media. Not only in Sweden. I understand that. But with us, it is nothing. He handles it perfectly. The players are familiar with it. You can be calm – there is nothing that has affected us negatively in the group. Absolutely nothing.”
Hamren also emphasised his confidence the speculation will not have a negative impact on Ibrahimovic or any of the rest of the Sweden squad. He added: “I’m 100% sure it will not affect Zlatan. He has been in the business a long time.
“I understand there is a lot of Zlatan media. Not only in Sweden. I understand that. But with us, it is nothing. He handles it perfectly. The players are familiar with it. You can be calm – there is nothing that has affected us negatively in the group. Absolutely nothing.”
Zlatan doesn't leave Transfer Matching System faxes until the last second, thus creating timestamp and league registration disagreement, he files all paperwork in a timely manner.
Am I doing this right?
Am I doing this right?
This is the most German Chuck Norris-style joke I've ever heard.
Hopefully Sweden get knocked out early on then
Zlatan can play in a 1 Man Midfield.
If Zlatan wants to fly he will. Hamrén is just trying to prove hes the boss.
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